Tere dil me,
Armaan rakh du…..
AA meri jaan, mai tujhme apni jaan rakh du!
Let me keep me desires in your heart,
Come my love,
Let me keep my life in you…
Growing up as a girl, I was always a hopeless romantic. I used to write poems, dance in the rains, dream of a fairy tale… This song above, is from one of my all time favorite classic movies- Chaandni! Whenever I listened to this song, I would dream of singing this to my life partner, spend hours lying lazily in his arms and not worrying about the next moment. Dreams of welcoming him home like a Prince every evening and falling asleep on his chest without a care in the world.
Leaving school, the mad race for life began. There was literally NO TIME FOR LOVE. Go get a degree, follow your passion, get a job, earn money, make a living, pay the bills, make your family proud, invest, make a mark in the world… Time slipped like dry sand from my hands and the dreams are still dreams.
Then came a time when technically, I was supposed to chose a life partner, or at least that is what I felt from the pressing questions of friends and family members. But something else had happened by then. I had seen too much of pain and betrayal. I had seen bitter divorces and single parent families. The dreams do not seem real anymore. The hope that they could ever turn real has vanished. The thought that some guy in the world deserves that much of affection and love has died eventually.
The other sad fact is to find someone who fits into my puzzle. A person who enjoys romance; a guy who would feel happy to see a crazy love bitten cupid shot girl running around him singing songs from Yash Chopra films. I am a writer, it is easy for any man to understand me. Could there be someone who would understand me without words? My fairy tale does not have large palaces and golden chariots. Neither is there a large kingdom to be ruled or a lavish proposal expected.
All I needed is a crazy in love, honest and genuinely caring guy. I feel ridiculous when I hear from couples about who is boss in the house and domestic violence and husbands cheating or isolating their wives. Why dont people value what they have? I mean, seriously, is this what marriage is supposed to be? According to me, marriage was supposed to be being absolutely crazy and madly in love with each other; so much that you dont have time to think of who is the boss. Both partners ready to wipe each others feet and kiss them spending each and every moment of their life together like a prized bubble of oxygen bursting and getting closer to death. A relationship so pure and holy that I dont have to play tricks which other girls advice to play on men and the tips and advice you read in books to ‘keep your men in line’.
I am all up for such books because from a psychological aspect they have gold worth knowledge hidden in them. But sadly, in my own fairy tale, the only book I ever want to consult is Ghalib’s poetry so I read some for him and he would read some for me. Who needs to know whether your parents neighbor is still complaining about the food at the wedding reception and what does your banker say? Who is going to carry it all to the grave anyway?
I seriously don’t know what happened to my fairy tale. Specially after I wrote my first book on breaking the chains of gender based violence and slavery, all I see is pain, tears of women who deserved love like me, who had dreams like I do, darkness engulfing their worlds because one drunk bastard could not control his nasty filthy mind, young girls who are supposed to enjoy life living under fear of strange guys chasing them.. I must ask, what happened to their fairy tales? They deserved guys who would cherish them untill death, but all they have is sorrow and loneliness. To make matters worst, society blames them.
I don’t know what would be the next turn in my fairy tale and if ever it will be a full fledge tale to be told to my great grand kids by the cozy fire in the ice age (since the global warming) enjoying hot tea and onion bhajjis… But until then, I will do every possible thing I can, to help other women be able to live theirs and be with partners who wish to love and admire them. Say they are beautiful every morning and fall asleep in their arms.
Sayya ye bayya,
Zara thaam le tu,
Mooh se kisi cheez ka naam le tu,
Tere qadmo me saara jahaan rakh du,
AAmeri jaan, mai tujhme apni jaan rakh du!
O my darling, hold my hand,
Just name a thing, something that you want,
I will bring the whole world to your feet.
Come my love,
Let me keep my life in you…