Guys—–WOMEN are NEITHER Pursuits nor Contests

Dear Lovely Readers,

The recent sad and pathetic event of Elliot Rodger’s killing spree has put the world in a somewhat state of shock. And when an event like this happens, our mind immediately questions “WHO TO BLAME” and we try to somehow make sense of whatever happened.

The first blame goes to culture. We blame it on the video games and the movies and the sitcoms etc Many writers and authors have in fact written about how culture drove Rodger and men like him on various pathetic and desperate members websites to do something like this. The recent one was by Hadley Freeman, the writer at The Guardian. While I do agree the culture paradigm, somehow I am not truly convinced by that.

Two people look out the same window at  the same time. One notices the stars in the sky; the other sees just the dirt of the road. Both are right, both exist!

Human brain is an extra ordinary creation of God and the power to pick and choose from what comes across us is truly unique and individualistic in nature. In Academia we say, it is purely subjective. The philosophy of truth and what exists limits down to only our mental potential and limitations.

While culture does play a crucial role in moulding our society, I do believe in the power of individual rebellion that has changed history. Slavery was a big part of our culture, wasn’t it? Black slaves in America is one thing but when I read the verses of Quran and read about ‘how to be kind to your slaves’ and related scripture, it freaks me out. Because the holy scripture has not been changed, it does say a lot about the culture that existed years and years before us.

Yet, it relieves me to know that I live in a century that has passed slavery culture and now I read about it only in Quran in a good way. What Muslims usually make out of it is ‘how to treat those with less power or poor’. The point I am trying to make is that people changed culture, abolished slavery and led us to this stage where we stand proud. Sure our society still has a million flaws but there are a billion that we corrected.

So, I ask you, does your culture define you?
Or do you define your culture???

Perceptions of WOMEN- from Elliot Rodger to Arthur Chu
The article by Prachi Gupta opened my eyes to something interesting. It expands over Arthur Chu’s statement about nerds who study and work hard for good grades all their lives and expect a trophy wife in the end like a princess to be won at the end of video game conquest. I couldn’t agree more!

If you are a fan of The Big Bang Theory, you would have noticed hints of these attitudes in the dialogues of the four young men aka nerds. There was an episode where Howard flirts with Penny and she gets mad and says “you are going to die alone”… Later when Penny tries to console him, he explains how Marcy Grossman, a girl in school broke his heart and then asks “what chance do I have if I don’t try that hard?”

In yet another episode when a young Korean kid called Joyce Kim visits the university and our four beloved nerds try to distract him, they each mention their perceptions of the young girls around.Leonard mentions about a cheer leader who made him to her homework and so on and so forth. Also note that they use girls to distract him.

Stereotypes are everywhere and some are true. But stereotyping cheer leaders and studious girls cannot be more wrong!
Guys, guys, guys, please get this… Just because a girl is beautiful does not mean she cannot be hard working and professionally accomplished. Similarly just because a girl is studious and does not bother to look like a Dior model everyday, does NOT mean that she is not a nice person who would bore you to death.

There has been a lot of discussion recently, since the killing spree about rejections from beautiful women and their rights to chose who to be with.

I am a woman and I CANNOT give you a rationale for who I chose to be with in the past or even in future. It is entirely useless to look for a pattern and say that because I wear a 500 Dollar shirt and took a shower, I deserve the cutest girl in the room. Every woman is entirely unique when it comes to choosing men and people, please try to get this inside your brains. Ask any girl and you would know. I hate action movies, its just not my thing but I love Jason Statham and John Cena. I hate violence and guns and all that blood shed in the movies but I like those guys. And this is just about movies… I cannot justify my liking with a reason because there are several other action heroes that I absolutely dislike.

Just as there is no reason to dislike something, there isn’t always a reason to like something as well. Humans are irrational. ASK ECONOMISTS (only if we Economists knew what goes on inside that little brain of humans that makes the stock markets burst like a balloon).

So, give it a rest. No matter what age you are at, Arthur Chu is right- you cannot expect a princess or a trophy wife just because you were “good” and disciplined all your life. If you got good grades and made a successful career, that’s for your own sake, isn’t it?
What about high profile men who do end up marrying trophy wives and sooner or later their career takes all their time and eventually their trophy wife drifts into some other looser’s arms (just cause he has the time to make her feel loved)… Seen that a million times, I am sure we all have.

The point I am trying to make is we only have control over our own decisions. We cannot influence others to be our husbands or wives just because we think it is the right thing.

Ever heard — “you can only be with me, you are crazy and I am the only one who can put up with you. If you ever leave me you will end up on the street”?

And while we are at it, there is another interesting pattern I see in ARRANGED MARRIAGES! Obviously this does not apply to the American culture directly and focuses more on the Indian and Pakistani culture. When the daughter reaches 21 or barely 22, the family is in search of a ‘suitable match’. One of the first check points is how much is his bank balance and what are his qualifications. As long as these two are strong, the girl is pushed into this greed circle. I also know girls who deliberately agree to marry a green card holder or a rich business man without knowing how he takes his coffee even.

What a shame!


Please STOP treating women like a contest or an examination.
While looking for a partner, the most important TIP I can give you as a woman is- Be Honest and gentle. If she likes you, VOILA! If she does not, move on and find the one who would like you for who you are.
And Girls- stop verifying the worth of a man by his qualifications and bank accounts. There is more to a man than that, explore him, discover him, know him, trust him, nurture him, love him for the person he is not for the wallet he carries.

With deep condolences to all those families whose loved ones will never return home…

Love and Light

#Violence against women
#arranged marriages
#Elliot Rodger


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