The title of this post is actually something I picked up from the comments section of Jezebel where I read about this man who faked his own death to get out of a possible marriage.
I had seen this in American sit coms, for instance Morgan Tuckers from The Mindy Project mentioned that two women faked their own deaths to get away from him and once I suppose from Charlie Sheen on Two and a Half Men. Never thought people could do such a thing in real life.
I found the above comment hilarious and wondered if there really was a book like that. After the laughter subsided on the mans’ stupidity and cowardness, I wonder though, why would someone do such a thing.
I have seen in some cases of domestic abuse, where a woman feared that she would be killed if she tried to escape, she somehow led her husband to believe that she died in an accident or attack. To some extent this is understandable because escape is life threatening nevertheless it is still a life of living under fear of being caught.
But today we are talking about those break ups where one person just got bored of another or began seeing someone else and did not want a straight talk. I believe there are people like that, although thanks heavens, I haven’t met one personally.
Remember Lucy in The Big Bang Theory who played Raj’s girlfriend for a few episodes?
She escaped from the toilet window to avoid Raj!?!?!!!
Social anxiety or other social disorders can make some people uncomfortable talking about breaks ups and confronting tough decisions. However most people are plain coward.
So, let’s clear up some air and talk about ; What do people mean when :
- ‘ they fake their own death’?
I am a coward, I never cared for your feelings and I rather you spend your lifetime loving me in your memory but face the truth and see you hate me.
2. ‘they say I need some time off’?
This one can mean different things. In a short term relationship, two or three dates; this could mean ‘I like you but I am not sure about you. Let me try the other fish in the sea, compare you with them and if I do not find anyone better, I would come back‘. After two years of a relationship however, taking time off means that the person is seriously considering breaking up. A friend recently shared his story where his girl friend left even before the time off period was over. When two people in a relationship are serious about each other, they solve their problems together.
Taking time off during a heated argument is a good thing because when you are angry you might say things you do not mean and end up regretting later. However, this must not last more than a few hours. If one person specifically mentions time off that might means it is a well thought plan and a polite way to say “I want a break up” and allow the other person some time to get used to the idea.
3. ‘it’s not you, it’s me’?
Believe in this one. When someone says this, either they have commitment issues or they have not known your value. Either ways, this person has not loved you and won’t ever love you. So if you are thinking of stalking or trying to persuade your ex partner in some other ways, they may not work. If they do, they wouldn’t last. When someone knows the real you and loves you, they will fight to be with you. They won’t need convincing.
4. ‘I only care for you as a friend’?
One of my friends was in a relationship with this Mr.Confused.com kind of a guy. He would behave like a boyfriend in private and in social situations he would turn into a best friend. At one point he even mentioned marriage and when she began to fall for him he withdrew and wanted to be just friends. She would get jealous and quarrel over his friendship with other girls. He would make promises not to be friends with any other girl. This kept my friend believing in his game. Friends don’t have those rights to tell you who to hang out with.
My friend got insane day after day and began stalking him on social media and other ways. She just could not believe in the fact that whatever love-pretentious crap game was between them, it was over. I blame her for things turning bitter is because while she was seeing this guy, she went back home and got engaged with another guy because he was rich and offered green card. When she came back, she realized she had nothing in common with the new guy and this old boy friend had drifted apart. She wanted to hang out with both guys without being pointed. God help such people.
5. ‘I want to take things slow’?
This simply means either you are too pushy or they are not sure about you. It could be either good or bad. It is also kind of a test to see if the relationship is real and can survive the test of time. Specifically in new relationships, it is genuine to get to know the other person, see if you both have anything in common and if you can rely and depend on each other. If someone is interested only to get in bed with you, they may not wait and you would know their intentions.
On the other hand, after just few weeks of knowing each other, if they want to move in with you or plan babies, this could reek of desperation. The best thing is to talk things out. What do they want from life and from you. Decisions like moving in, announcing your new status to friends and family , buying furniture or mortgage are big decisions and unless both people are 100% sure of one another, one person pushing will lead to a break down.
In any case, all the above lines are better than faking your own death to get rid of someone who loves you. Love and relationships are pleasure and pain wrapped in one candy wrapper. Love does not have to hurt but if it stops, it certainly hurts. Break ups do not have to be messy and dirty. Mutual agreement is best. For this to happen, it is best to get into a relationship with someone who is mentally matured and accomodating in the first place.
Break up would hurt but if both people have their own valid reasons and they both understand them, it will be easier and much more respectful to shake hands go your separate ways. Once in a blue moon if you get face to face with them in a public space, you don’t have to reach to the nearest object to bang their head. A simple smile or what’s up is much better.
Have you ever had a mutually respectful break up? What do you think about faking deaths to escape a relationship?
Please share your thoughts and stories, always great to hear from like minded folks.