Being a single independent woman, living life on her own terms in her 20s, is one of the best things life has to offer. It’s peaceful inside and outside. There’s no desperation to ‘be found’ by a prince charming and no desire to ‘be the perfect daughter-in-law’. Life has challenges and opportunities and somewhere within I know it’s all going to be alright. I’m no more specifically sad or happy; rather in a state of gratitude to the Lord for giving me a life where I decide whether I color my hair pink or blue, go out after dark (yes, it’s such a big thing) for a scoop of ice cream and not having to wash a sink full of dishes and laundry, day in and day out for a man who thinks this is why I exist.
And then something like this happens…
A married man, who is also your sister’s ex prospect (who she was about to marry but denied because of personal reasons), and who is currently a father to a one year old girl, flirts with you and thinks it is his fundamental right to do so.
It began like this…
There have been subtle signals of flirtation in his previous talks which I ignored questioning myself that he is a married guy, how can I doubt his intentions. The reason I ever spoke with this guy in the first place is because despite my sister rejected him, she always spoke highly of him and said he is a very decent guy. It’s no surprise then that when I came across him years later, on social media, I connected.
Our recent conversations have been about married life and love life and how crappy his was. After witnessing domestic violence in my sisters marriage and abuse in those of my friends, I always encourage men, (all men, unknown or known) to sort their married troubles. Communicate and make things work or call it quits once and for all.
I might be too modern to think this but I don’t believe that marriage is an institution wherein you are bound to another human being. Instead, I believe that marriage is just paperwork that you fill for the society and the courts. If there is a holy relationship between two people, it’s only when they care for each other. A relationship where you don’t just ‘fulfill your duties’. You do it and a lot more just to give your best version to your partner. And who wants to spend their entire lives in an ‘institution’ or ‘bond’ anyway?
This guy had been complaining since last year how his wife and he are miles apart. She is the typical Indian housewife watching daily soaps and raising their little girl, while he is a career oriented, outgoing fun loving, Hollywood fan. It might sound like a weird combination for a marriage but hey- he choose it for himself. It wasn’t forced to marry this girl. This brings me back to the question- why did you get married to someone who is not your type in the first place?
But, no matter how crappy your married life is, what makes you think you can flirt with other single women, WHO KNOW YOU ARE MARRIED AND A FATHER, and say it is your fundamental right?
Few reasons come to mind-
- A single independent woman must be easy to flirt with,
- She wouldn’t mind male attention combined with flirtation
- Her care or ‘being friendly’ might just be the signal to flirt
- Simply because she isn’t married so she would be desperate and even thankful
- I’m a man so I’m entitled to flirt with as many women as I may please
How about this:
- May be she is single and independent because she has high standards
- She might be into men who are emotionally matured not emotionally disturbed like you
- She might be polite to people who she respect not because she wants to flirt
- She might be offering help because she may not want other women to go through what women in her family have gone through
- Her kindness might turn into rage if I cross the line and then turn into a blog post like this?
This is not the first married man who has made a futile attempt to get into a romantic relationship with me and nor would he be the last one (I can only hope but I am realistic that way).
What naively shocks me is that how EASYYYYYYYYY it is for a man to approach any woman when he has taken those oaths and promises of matrimony to be with his wife. How simple it is for this man to just take those promises for granted and cheat on his wife. You cheat on GOD and his commandments when you disrespect them. It doesn’t take them a second to kick their wife out of their mind and life, the one who they were supposed to be loyal with. And guess what? To satisfy this guilt he says he is ‘working hard’ day and night to ‘fulfill his duties’; pay the bills.
Who told you that a husband’s only duty is to pay the bills? That’s it? Throw money on your wife’s face and you are done? I think a prostitute has better life than your wife that way. It’s the same thing don’t you think? You pay her and you pay her. Both transactions involve just money! The only difference is that the prostitute doesn’t cook, clean, wash your dirty laundry, suffer and give birth to your children, raise them waking all nights when you are busy flirting, tell the society how great of a husband you are and yes, a prostitute can kick you out of her house as and when she likes but your wife can’t.
Seeing all these unhappy relationships around me just breaks my heart. It’s not about me because my frustration has now been channelized in the form of this blog. There is a lot more in my life to think about and incidents like this don’t mean anything to me. But I deeply feel pity for the wife and the little girl who depend on this guy for love and care. And all he has to offer is money and infidelity.
Been there, felt that, I proudly tell my readers that it is far better to end an unhappy relationship than to be in one where you feel nonexistent. Give your 100% to your partner. Make genuine efforts to appreciate each other. Analyze what your partner has to offer and examine your own offerings. Do everything possible from seeing a counselor or taking retreats.
But sometimes, it’s just not meant to be. And if it’s not working, be honest about it. Be man enough to own it and say you married the wrong woman and say it to her face. I don’t think there is an apology I heard which says something like this:
“sorry, I married you because I was in a rush to show my ex that I have a long queue of women waiting for me after she dumped me, hence I got married to you in a hissy fit. I know it will be hard for you to be a divorced single woman but don’t worry I can PAY you for your troubles.”
I know how pathetic that sounds, right?
But still, it’s less pathetic than approaching single women and saying
“it’s my fundamental right to express what I feel and I’m giving a genuine attempt on you”.
Genuine men don’t approach women when they have a wife and a child to love. And if you do, you are not a genuine human at all.