- The more you try to fix someone, the more you will end up hurting your own self.
- If you think you can only feel good about yourself by fixing broken people, you have issues and you need help too.
- Giving up on a broken man is not the same as leaving your partner alone in the lurch. We all go through hard times in our lives and need someone to love and care for us. But if this hard time is not caused by you, is giving you bruises and constant stress and involves substance abuse such as alcohol or drugs… there is no way this is ‘standing by your partner in hard times’.
- Emotionally unstable people need self healing often times with the help of a certified professional. You are NOT one.
- If it hurts, it isn’t love.
- Life is too short to waste on fixing someone. If anything, fix yourself.
- Society and family will tell you how women have been the goddesses of sacrifice and love and how you must erase your existence by your husband’s side. Well that is 18th century BULL SHIT! You are as important and have as much right to be happy as the miserable man you are trying to fix.
- Happiness comes when a person decides to be happy. Not when someone forces them to.
- No amount of ‘adjusting’ or ‘love’ or ‘gifts’ or ‘pleasing’ will change his internal problem. Rather the more you try, the further he will take you for granted. He will think that she will go to any distance to please me so why not make her do that.
- Love is reciprocal. If you offer love and get only abuse and violence in return, QUIT! Respect yourself enough to walk away from anything that doesn’t respect your right to be happy.
Cant emphasize enough
Re-posting from Make Love Not Rape Blog
‘I consider myself as a rape victim in marriage even though force and violence haven’t been used against me. I know many marriages are happy ones but having to stay in an unhappy marriage and carry out a sexual relationship that you no longer want but can’t refuse, is rape. I know what it’s like to sell my body in exchange for a man’s wage and some security when you have kids and when you have no money and no place to go.’ Mrs D.S
‘I slept with my young daughter on a mattress on the floor of our spare bedroom to escape being sexually used by my husband. At the time I was comparatively well paid as a sewing machine over looker but it wasn’t enough to keep the house of my own and paid childcare going, and it was only when I left him that I was given a free nursery place. In my case inequality at home reared its ugly head when I became mother, when I became a non-earner. It was clear to me that I just existed to service my husband who held back the housekeeping money if he was displeased in any way. Mrs M.B
‘I was driven to almost suicide by my husband’s unreasonable sex demands and sex without my consent was a regular occurrence. When I was beginning to think that I was to blame for not going along with his every sexual whim, he turned his sexual attention towards our children. Sexploitative pin ups, and literature that encouraged sexual violence against women and children, played a major part in his contemptuous abuse of our dependence on him.’ Mrs E.B
Continue reading on the blog here.
When it comes to the discussion on marital rape, the first question you hear from the opponents is that what a guy is supposed to do when his wife doesn’t consent for intercourse.
Here are some easy to follow and logical steps to take if you ever find yourself asking that question.
The ‘institution of Indian arranged marriage’ is more likely to kill a woman than a road accident, malaria, cancer, thunder, shark attack and war combined.
CORE LESSON- Women need to have a SAY in one of the biggest decisions of their life. A say that isn’t an outcome of emotional blackmail or guilt or shame or societal pressures.
If you are an Indian woman in your late twenties, you might discover that all of a sudden you have become an eye thorn for most of the people around you. From family members to community members, the only question you might hear is ‘why aren’t you married yet?’ This question is also peppered with some pity for you being worthless and worry for your unborn children. I was soooooooo pressured by one anty to hand her my matrimonial bio data, I ultimately made one that you can read on my blog titled Finding Me a Husband.
I am aware that men too go through this weird phase of being the object of community and family worry yet the pressure on women is way beyond comparison. The questions that are asked to my parent’s as to when are they marrying me are silencing my existence…like I’m an object to be passed from one home to another without a say.
When it comes to marriages in India, the most common notion is that if you marry out of love meaning out of your own choice, you are on your own, sometimes killed or shun in the society. The chaste, moral, traditional, cultural and non-threatening way to marry is a marraige ‘arranged’ by your parents.
The role of parents
I am a firm believer of loving your parents to death. I would sell my kidney if need be for their sake. Yet, I don’t I want them to choose my life partner. Here’s why…
1- Placing Parent’s on a Worship Pedastal
Traditional Indian culture and religious education lay utmost importance to the respect of parents and teachers in our society. As we grow up, we are taught to be almost blind to our parent’s errors. For an Indian child, his/her parents are next to God; they never err!
This is where the problem lies. Respecting humans is a virtue enough; placing them on a pedestal next to God is unnecessary and exaggerating. Because the fact is that they are humans and they make mistakes as much as any other person. Just because they are your parents, you are programmed to be blind to their wrong doings. But this is not about blaming parents, it’s about realizing where their mentality and ideology is coming from.
Actually, I think that children being critical of their parents are a necessary element because when a child asks her parent to stop smoking or that he does not want his toys to be bought out ofblack money; this can be extremely helpful.
Coming back to the marriage arrangement, don’t blindly believe that your parent’s will choose the best partner out there because their generation was wildly different from ours.
I bet my parents don’t even know half the vocabulary I use in my everday language. Not projecting that I’m more cultured or educated; simply stating that the patterns of conversations, the ways we behave, our psychology, our attitudes, everything has wildly changed.Your parent’s may want the best for you according their INTENTIONS, yes, but the outcome may not necessarily be helpful. Read further you will find out why.
Continue reading here.
Re-posting from Make Love Not Rape Blog.