Not only this idea of a woman trying to fix a broken man prevalent, it is extremely romanticized in our society. Who doesn’t remember this scene?
For ages, women fall for men who are emotionally unstable from the onset of a relationship or who turn out to have all sorts of ‘issues’ after they get to know the guy better.
In 100% of domestic violence cases, there is a woman trying to ‘fix’ a man by pleasing him tirelessly until she runs out of her will power.
It is somehow empowering to stand by our lovers when they are facing hard times. It saves us from guilt and gives us that moral satisfaction of ‘being there’ for the love of our lives. It makes us secretly feel proud that despite it all being hard, I never gave up on my love.
Society has loads and loads of broken men because the patriarchal mindset tells men that they can’t be weak, or cry or have emotions of any sort. Hence when faced with loss, rejection or sorrow, they have no idea what to do except for that phrase I hate ‘MAN-UP’ and go ahead.
The problem with this ‘man up’ idea is that it neglects that part about man being human first. And human beings go through a whole process of healing starting from denial to acceptance.
This idiotic man up ideology doesn’t allow men to go through the healthy process of healing and they end up stuck in the anger stage.
The thing is ‘men can’t be fixed (by you)’. END OF STORY! Here is some wisdom to help you see why.
- The more you try to fix someone, the more you will end up hurting your own self.
- If you think you can only feel good about yourself by fixing broken people, you have issues and you need help too.
- Giving up on a broken man is not the same as leaving your partner alone in the lurch. We all go through hard times in our lives and need someone to love and care for us. But if this hard time is not caused by you, is giving you bruises and constant stress and involves substance abuse such as alcohol or drugs… there is no way this is ‘standing by your partner in hard times’.
- Emotionally unstable people need self healing often times with the help of a certified professional. You are NOT one.
- If it hurts, it isn’t love.
- Life is too short to waste on fixing someone. If anything, fix yourself.
- Society and family will tell you how women have been the goddesses of sacrifice and love and how you must erase your existence by your husband’s side. Well that is 18th century BULL SHIT! You are as important and have as much right to be happy as the miserable man you are trying to fix.
- Happiness comes when a person decides to be happy. Not when someone forces them to.
- No amount of ‘adjusting’ or ‘love’ or ‘gifts’ or ‘pleasing’ will change his internal problem. Rather the more you try, the further he will take you for granted. He will think that she will go to any distance to please me so why not make her do that.
- Love is reciprocal. If you offer love and get only abuse and violence in return, QUIT! Respect yourself enough to walk away from anything that doesn’t respect your right to be happy.
In marriages where husbands are broken, old women of the family advice the poor young soul that she must get pregnant and the baby will change things.
I’ve heard, and experienced, many cases where the woman feels underappreciated, used, taken advantage of and for granted in her relationship. As women, we some times compromise our own values and beliefs just to keep the man in our life happy. Because we are natural-born “fixer-uppers”, we reason with ourselves, on many different levels, in the attempt to “fix” a broken man. Most times when we give so much of ourselves to a man that has no more room left to equally give as much as we do, we are the ones who are left heartbroken, confused and feeling abandoned. It’s not enough to be a “good woman”! I have learned that it is better to be a good woman with standards and expectations for how a man is to operate in a dating relationship.