It’s been years since I felt in love
At some point actually it felt so distant like it never happened at all.
Last rainy British summer night though
Reminded me how it felt like to be in love.
It’s a weird feeling of silly happiness.
I smile a lot when I’m in love.
Constantly feel butterflies in my stomach
And a splurge of excitement running through my nerves.
I feel my blood turns pink when I’m in love.
And my chest contains a heart that’s conical and humped.
I dream a lot usually but more so when in love.
I hear rains a lot deeply and dance as often as I can.
I felt the warmth of the sunsets on my face like kisses
And let the air toss my hair like a princess.
I felt lucky and proud and relaxed and nervous.
Like a waterfall in a desert of life.
Being in love feels beautiful but also vulnerable.
Like a tiny sprout on a busy road.
You get hurt by the tiniest of things
And weep for hours for people worthless.
And then you tell yourself
Last Christmas I gave someone my heart but the very next day he gave it away and this year to save me some tears I’ll give it to someone special.
This happens a couple of times until you become so immune to hurts you stop giving your heart away at all.
You believe someone out there deserves it to feel calm.
But you become commitment phobic and stop taking chances.
You don’t trust when someone tells you they love you.
You doubt when they bring you flowers or wipe your tears.
You don’t want to feel this feeling of being vulnerable.
You don’t want to give someone the power to hurt you or play with your heart which now looks like that biological one you see in the books.
Your blood isn’t pink anymore and rains only bring flu and cholera.
Love hurts because it comes with expectations.
But without expectations there is no love.
Why O why should Cupid be so mean to me
Why this double edged mystery.
You build high walls around yourself and contain yourself in this imaginary castle
By keeping everyone outside, never getting so close that they could possibly hurt you.
People try and try but your fear keeps you concealed and they gradually turn away.
But once in a century someone comes along
That has enough courage to knock down your castle walls
And find you hiding in a dark corner basement room
Hugging yourself like a baby but talking this big talk.
He comes and smiles and holds your head and whispers “come away with me”!
And if this time you are lucky, it will be forever.
And the rainbows and pink blood and rains and sunsets won’t ever fade away.
Maybe just maybe.