Why Indian Mother’s Prohibit Dad’s to See The Kids After Divorce or Separation?
The Domestic Violence Act, section 498(a) is a huge topic of debate in India. As with rape, the general belief of public is that women lie and fake about it. But today I’m writing about a sub topic of the domestic violence and separation agenda- child custody.
Usually men and society in general complain that women don’t let their husbands see their children after divorce. Women are demonized for separating the fathers and raising children without a father figure in their lives. Since the law dictates that the custody of a girl child specially remains with the mother by default until she reaches 15, men usually get pissed off about it.
Superficially, it seems cruel to deny children their father’s love, isn’t it? For sure. But hold on to that thought.
My friend recently had this dilemma and eventually visited the police station for help where she met a woman inspector who had a story to tell.
This woman was in the police, so you can imagine she isn’t illiterate or financially dependent on her ex husband. When she separated from her husband due to domestic violence and alcohol, the husband occasionally visited the 6 year old child. Seeing a deadbeat dad showing the tiniest kernels of attachment was pleasing for the mother so she often let him take the child out for ice cream or football.
Once he took the child and did not return. When she pressed to bring the child back, he said he will take revenge by keeping the child with him. The drunk father was obviously not someone a mother could feel comfortable leaving her child around for long. She informed her colleagues and they began searching for him and found him at the train station trying to escape.
On noticing the police, he began mindlessly running with the child. Few minutes later when he got blocked, he threw his child on the railway track! Two trains were crossing and the mother saw her innocent 6 year old child crush to death between the two trains on the spot…
She fainted and the police chased him until his foot got stuck in a track and he got killed under another train as well.
Just few days ago I was questioning my friend, who has separated from her violent jobless maniac husband since one year… if she is comfortable sending her child away with the father.
She claimed very confidently that she does not want the guilt of separating a child from her father and other women who do that are very wrong, selfish and evil
Since I’m single I could not give my well founded opinion but I did say that whatever choices such women make must be well thought and must have a deep reason. No mother is selfish that way and if the husband was violent with you, a grown woman, how powerless is a little child for him to harass…
She confidently said that its alright that her husband took away her 3 year old daughter for 5 days and that was the third day. A day later she calls in and tells me that she is extremely worried because she is getting weird hints from the husband.
The 5 days are over and the husband isn’t putting her child on the phone. He hangs up when she calls and if he picks up he just makes excuses for not bringing her back. You might think that could be because the father must love the child and would want to spend time with her.
You judge for yourself- this father used to beat this woman when she was pregnant with this baby. Actually kicked her twice on the belly. He didn’t provide her enough food to feed, no vitamins or medical care unless her own father sent her money from another city. Once when this baby girl was 2 months old, he tried to strangle her to death. He has not paid a single penny from the pregnancy to the delivery and hospital…from her milk and food to her school fee. This deadbeat dad has only made excuses… demanded dowry from her family and dishonored her in public every chance he got.
Now I guess you might wonder if that’s the case why did she ever allow him to even take the child. Like every other naive woman who thinks that her child deserves father’s love, even she had faith that he might spend time with her and bring her back. She never expected that he would kidnap the child and in the last phone call he threatened to cut her into pieces (which thankfully is recorded).
This morning she has made a formal complaint and is going to her husbands home with the police force to bring back her daughter.
If you are reading this, please say a simple quick prayer that may this restless mother unite with her 3 year old daughter who has fallen ill because she is missing her mother so much.
In my next post, I will share what happened next.
And for all of you out there who think women are evil for separating their children from deadbeat fathers… please stop putting your children at risk. It is awfully painful to accept the fact, the sour harsh reality that your child’s destiny is void of father’s love! But it is easier to accept this fact than loosing your child forever.
Make choices that are best for your kids. May all separated mothers unite with their little angels.