The Damn Indian Wedding Season: 8 Excuses To Pressurize & Manipulate Single People To Get Married…

I have seen Reese Wither-spoon and Katy Hie-gel romantic comedies as much as the next person. Sharukh’s romantic gestures and Hugh Grant’s soulful eyes  bring tears and choke my throat as much as the next persons but that doesn’t mean I must jump into marriage with the next Melvin that asks me out.

Winter season in India means two things:

1- Lavish, show off weddings and

2- Ruining lives of all the single people by making them feel guilty. 

Now, if you don’t know a lot about the Indian culture, you might ask, why would you feel guilty by being single. It’s your life after all, you making any personal decision doesn’t impact anyone but you.

But that’s NOT the case in my society. I NOT getting married is apparently causing insomnia to my parents, their neighbors, their friends, the far off relatives who I haven’t seen in last 8 years, the street dog, the local laundry lady, the house help and every single thing that moves in 2000 mile radius.

The 8 most common excuses used by family to manipulate you and emotionally blackmail you into getting married are extracted from a real conversation. Tell me how many have you come across?

123456789

I believe whether it is the decision to marry or divorce; it must be self motivated without doubts, fears and obligation. That’s it. Is it really such a difficult thing to understand?

Advertisements

To Dream Or Give Up- Mindy Project Just Got A Little Too Real

Can ambitious women ever have a good family life?

Last night’s episode of The Mindy Project got a little too surreal.

I’ve been a long time fan of the show and was always able to relate to the character of Mindy Lahiri in many ways.

the-mindy-project

After the glorious and fun dating phase ended, the show descended into the more serious and deeper problems of a matured, grown up couple.

Now its all about baby responsibilities and adjustments. While marriage is something Mindy always wanted, now that it’s happening… it’s taking a toll on her. 

Yes, its easy to say that now we live in a liberated society where career women exist and several cool companies like Netflix are making it ever more possible for parents to juggle work and family.

But I suppose, you reach in that stage once you find a guy who is willing to be half responsible for a baby. May be, it’s just me but I don’t know how many men in general are happy to clean up baby diapers while mommy is away? If you have one, you’re really fortunate. But I’m sure there aren’t many. At least not around me, so before you judge me to be sexist; just assume I’m unfortunate.

So what about the rest? Should we compromise and give up on our careers and dreams to stay home and make babies?

Or do we stay single and may be adopt or make one with a donor, as and when we might like?

More importantly, why wouldn’t men want to take half the responsibility of raising a child? I asked this question to few and most of them said “that’s what my father did. That’s how the grand father did. They never got involved with anything baby. It was all the mother’s job”. 

To that I said “your grandfather and father used to ride horses and donkeys, why are you driving cars then?”

As usual, the conversation pretty much either ends there or gets messy. You know that stage when someone know how stupid they sound and they have no logical reasonable explanation but they rather stick to their self illusions rather admit they need to change.

It’s all about convenience, isn’t it?

Just because it is convenient, you are driving a car and not riding a donkey like your grandfather.

But raising a baby is inconvenient. It needs patience, sleepless nights, hard work… so why don’t we use the same old tradition,woman’s place and all those bull shit excuses and simply don’t partake any role in parenting.

There are dads that I see who flaunt their fatherhood on social media profiles boldly. And it gives me hope… hope that not all fathers are too distant, too manly, too aloof to be dads, not just fathers.

My mother stayed at home by choice and father participated in raising us despite working. I guess when you live in another country away from your family then its only the two of you who have to be there. You cannot rely on your mother-in-law or sister-in-law to help out. Hence the dad has no excuse but to be there. That worked out greatly in our favor but dad has participated equally in raising my little brother even when things changed. He wakes my brother up, gets him ready for school, drops him, picks him, arranges his school things while mom helps with homework and other regular chores. And its perfect…

watch-the-mindy-project-season-4-episode-3-online-free

When Danny was giving Mindy a hard time for starting another business venture, she did her best to explain that the kid will not be neglected. And if Danny was so worried, why doesn’t he give up on his career and stay at home! That’s where most men falter, because they have no other excuse but the same old, I’m a man and I can’t stay home. Well, why should she?

I loved the movie The Intern starring Robert Di Nero and Anne Hathaway in which her husband is a stay at home dad despite being previously a super successful professional. Having a partner who understands your dreams and is willing to see you fly, is such a blessing.

The Mindy Project has been my super fav show and I’ll continue watching it but the problems are getting too serious and I really hope to see some good resolution of this career or home dilemma, the character is currently facing.

Love,

Die-hard fan of TMP 🙂

Someone Just Got SCHOOLED While Making A Stupid Attempt to Bad Mouth Feminism

You know one of those times when you said something really stupid out loud and got schooled by someone?

A gentleman wrote a blog post titled :Woman ‘Liberation’ has only Caused Misery and had the naivety (lets call it that) to tag me, recommending me to read and applaud. Here is the post and my comments about it are posted later. I’ve purposely hidden his name and blog url because the purpose of me writing about what happened is NOT to shame him or perform social media lynching but to raise awareness about our ignorant beliefs.

Untitled design

blog 2

blog 3

Any person with enough knowledge would tag his post as sexist, racist and misogynist. The phenomenon of Western media quoting statistics of violence against women in the Muslim world and shaming them all as an oppressive community is not hidden. In Middle East and South Asia, they do the same, quoting filthy statistics of the West and condemning it as an outcome of feminism or as they like to say ‘allowing women to have a right over their body and life’.

What people fail to see is that violence against women is an epidemic, global problem. Being more religious or conservative doesn’t guarantee human rights. I did a post just yesterday titled

There’s A Reason Why People Blame Rape Victims Not Offenders & It Will Chill You To The Bone!

This post explains the research findings from Psychology why people like to blame the victim and create a false sense of security thinking this can never happen to them. This guy has this false sense of security that because he lives in a conservative environment, he is better off but he conveniently ignored what women in his family feel about feminism. Considering his opinions I doubt if women even have the liberty to THINK in his family.

Crimes against women are everywhere and competing on statistics is childish and useless. Stats must only be used to verify the magnanimity of the problem when curating solutions, NOT TO THROW ON EACH OTHER AS POOP! Even 1 RAPE IS 1 TOO MANY!

Instead of pointing and throwing dirt on each other and dwelling in the past, how about we start looking at our own misgivings and create a better world looking in the forward direction?

It is because of Muslims like this guy, the entire community gets a bad name. Muslims already are facing a war of their own with people of their faith because of extremists. And then people like him come out and say such things without even knowing what feminism is about to make all Muslims look bad. Like minded people on his blog praised his copy pasted statistics and what great points he made about the open culture in the West.

My question is – WHAT MAKES YOU THE EXPERT ON WOMEN’S LIBERATION OR WESTERN CULTURE? 

I write about both these issues because :

1- I AM A PHD RESEARCHER WHO HAS READ ENOUGH SCHOLARLY RESEARCH ON THE SUBJECT.

2- I’VE SPENT HALF MY LIFE IN INDIA AND SAUDI ARABIA AND THE REST IN UK. I HAVE LIVED IN WEST.

3- I’M A WOMAN, SO BY DEFAULT, I KNOW ABOUT MY EXPERIENCES MORE THAN ANY MAN!

I really suggest that before people share vicious and hateful messages pointing fingers or disregarding any religion, culture, faith, orientation or race, please do one of the following:

1- READ AT LEAST 10-15 SCHOLARLY RESEARCHED ARTICLES ON THE SUBJECT (wikipedia and Facebook posts doesn’t count)

2- HAVE AT LEAST PERSONAL EXPERIENCE OF LIVING IT OR WITNESSING IT BEFORE MAKING JUDGMENTS.

3- FIND AT LEAST 5 AMAZON BESTSELLERS ON THE SUBJECT AND READ THEM COVER TO COVER.

I’m suggesting this because I personally do this. A friend sometime ago asked my opinion about castration as punishment for rape. I said

I don’t have enough information yet to comment on it. I have a book that I intend to read, its on my nightstand. Once I’ve read that and some other important resources, I’ll tell you what I think”.

His response:

“Whoa, I wish every politician and debater on those news channels had your approach”!

What I mean is that I’m not perfect but I’m ready to learn. I have an open mind and I learn about the subject before blabbing out ignorant messages without research based on personal biases.

————————————————————————————————————————————-

Most importantly, I’m a proud Indian Muslim living in the West. I say that boldly on my blog.

But whether it is me being Indian or me being a Muslim, I never turn blind to the bad things Indians do or Muslims do and blame other countries and cultures, praising my own.

I am a citizen of this world and I respect other religions, cultures and nations equally. I notice that Indians have this habit of self praising ‘mera bhaarat mahaan’ and Muslims also have this self righteous attitude that only Muslims are going to Heaven and the rest of humanity is going to hell.

To such self praising attitude, I say – GET OVER YOURSELF!

  • Travel to at least 98 countries (half the world) before you start defending India and claim that India is the best country in the world. And 
  • Muslims- In The last Khutbah  our beloved Prophet Mohammad (May Peace Be Upon Him) said: All mankind is from Adam and Eve, an Arab has no superiority over a non-Arab nor a non-Arab has any superiority over an Arab; also a white has no superiority over a black nor a black has any superiority over white except by piety and good action.

So, Islam and our Prophet wanted Muslims to have an open mind and promote equality instead of this self righteous behavior. Praying 5 times a day and raping your wife doesn’t make you a contender for PARADISE!

Enough of this for now, please read my comments that I shared on his blog and that I’m pretty sure he wouldn’t dare to moderate.

resp1

resp2

resp 3

To me

East is not better/worse than West

Christianity is not better/worse than Islam

Men are not better/worse than women.

Each individual is the master of their own actions that either are respectful or disgraceful.

WORLD PEACE and EQUALITY is what I want, 

can you give me that?

My brother died in Paris | Jack the Lad

It made a lot of sense. Selective grief for humanity isn’t humanity.

Jack The Lad

My brother died in Paris. My sister died in Beirut. My daughter died in Afghanistan. My son died in Baghdad. This is how heartbroken I feel. There is no need to say that you care only for one country and not another, and there is no need to say that one tragedy is worse than another. When one person dies, we have all been killed.Give your prayers for Paris, give your love for Beirut, give your tears for Afghanistan, and give your heart for Iraq. When it’s a time of mourning, don’t make the argument about what was posted on Facebook or social media.

We all have the same enemy, and it is the cowards and the monsters of ISIS. If you want to express your anger, they are the ones that have attacked us.

I know that we all feel like that we are living in terrible times, and…

View original post 504 more words

There’s A Reason Why People Blame Rape Victims Not Offenders & It Will Chill You To The Bone!

How many times have we come across statements from politicians blaming rape victims for the rape instead of the offenders?
There comes a point when the entire generation starts to believe in it, the whole society believes that if a woman is out in the night or wearing a mini skirt or going out with different guys or works in a pub, she ‘invited’ it.
The director of India’s top investigation agency faced fierce criticism over his controversial comment, “if you can’t prevent rape, you enjoy it”
Read further here on MAKE LOVE NOT RAPE BLOG.

To All Hindu’s and Muslims On Diwali- Remember The Government Has A Shelf Life of 5 years (MAX)!

I’m having one of those moments from the Hollywood movie climax scenes when the Villain surrenders to the will of the action hero or when Julia Roberts finally turns up out of the blue and says;

“I’m just a girl, standing in front of a boy, asking him to love her!”.

The context of my touchy-feely observation however, isn’t cinematic romance but the magic of human connection.

It is Diwali , a Hindu festival of lights and sweets. I see pictures of my Muslim cousins lighting diya’s (earthen candles) with their Hindu friends and neighbors. Long forgotten friends who are separated by time and distance, reach out to send wishes and my little niece jumping up and down, repeating Happy Diwali like a cheeky parrot, while enjoying fireworks.

Muslim-boy-celebrating-Diwali-291x21810628

Lately India has seen immense turmoil which began from the political arena and somehow sunked into the emotional one. This kind of turns off your faith in humanity and whispers in your ear “the world is evil”. 

diwali-2013_5

When I was a child and I learnt in history books about the partition of India and Pakistan, even as a child it broke my heart. Not because of the separation but because the cause of separation was religion! If the segregation was done for any other reason, it wouldn’t be painful to grasp for a silly child who believed when the teacher said “love thy neighbor”!

Later I thought may be religion was supposed to provide all the answers because after all it was powerful enough to separate people from their beloved ones.

As I delved deeper into Islamic history, I found out that there was inconsistency even there. There were two sides- Shia and Sunnis. Our parents would teach us how our ways were different from the Shia’s although we believed in the same name of God- Allah! Religion lost my vote- (Allah didn’t but religion did. Yea, there’s a difference)

unity

Growing up was fantastic until I was told “hey, you’re a woman, your world, your life isn’t the same as men! They CAN dream and fight and be ambitious, you are just gotten out-of-our-hands“. The evil distinction creep-ed up again.

I thought to myself- “oh no, not again!”

Before I was told these horrible messages that demean my gender and question my strength, I never saw myself any differently from a male. I was just a human like any other.

I can’t believe in 2015 my mother and I still have an argument when I ask her if I can pick poultry from a local shop in Lucknow and she would say “that’s a man’s job. Men go to slaughter houses not women.!” Ya, you guessed it right- every time that happens I bring home 5 kilograms of Chicken.

But these regressive messages from family, society and media did one great thing- they turned me into a FEMINIST! A woman passionate for women’s rights and gender equality.

I’m so grateful to the Almighty God that He stumbled me on feminism that has helped me become a strong woman who was once falling apart. It has worked as a therapy and I feel truly enlightened in the light of feminism.

Canada's new Prime Minister Justin Trudeau (bottom row C) poses with his cabinet after their swearing-in ceremony at Rideau Hall in Ottawa on November 4, 2015. AFP PHOTO/POOL/CHRIS WATTIECHRIS WATTIE/AFP/Getty Images

Canada’s new Prime Minister Justin Trudeau (bottom row C) poses with his cabinet after their swearing-in ceremony at Rideau Hall in Ottawa on November 4, 2015. AFP PHOTO/POOL/CHRIS WATTIECHRIS WATTIE/AFP/Getty Images

However, sometime ago I saw the difference of opinions within feminism on the subject of trans women and women born as females biologically. Without going deeper into the debate and being forced to pick sides, I think I’m going to back off for a moment.

It’s not because I’m afraid to debate, but because I don’t want to loose sight of the BIG PICTURE- ensuring human rights of all beings are of utmost importance.

This sends me back to the other conflicting situations I have witnessed since childhood-

Indian – Pakistani

Hindu- Muslim

Shia-Sunni

Male- Female

Pro trans feminist- transphobic feminists

I feel that it is OK to have a difference of opinion (or religion, country, sect, caste, gender) , about the details of anything but if those details make us forget the holy purpose- the big picture- the big reason why we are in it in the first place….then the details won’t matter anyways!

Coming back to Diwali and the beautiful relationship between Indians who identify as Hindus and Indians who identify as Muslims… its just magical. 

And before you get manipulated by any religious-political hate speeches and start hating your friends and neighbors- remember this-

No matter how powerful the government may be- it has a shelf life of 5 years! Your relationship with your Hindu/Muslims friends and neighbors has to last much longer, usually lifetimes. Getting excited by the hate messages, don’t say or do something against other Indians (or Pakistani or Africans,) that would be too hard to take back. Things that would make you never look them in the eye again. 

For me, Hindu Muslim issue is NOT POLITICAL- its PERSONAL! 

I despise both Muslim and Hindu political leaders who are trying to get votes by saying “hey, I got a Muslim name, vote for me”! Any leader that does not see that Hindu-Muslims, Indians-Pakistanis, we are all ON THE SAME TEAM- the team of HOMO-SAPIENS, is just wasting your time.

empowernetworkunited

This does not mean I’m trivializing the details or differences, I’m just making a humanly message without pointing or defending one side over another. Being objective opens up our minds to our own misconceptions. How else do we grow if we keep holding on to our egos instead of people?

I mentioned the conflicts I faced since childhood so you can get the picture of how people in the history of humankind have created differences and conflicts between humans for their own purposes. Before supporting one side over another, we should rather look for what is ‘human’ and unites humankind positively.

Thanks for reading this and if you agree with my observations, please share this post with your friends and network so more of us would have the courage to stand together, not against each other.

Wishing you all a very HAPPY DIWALI! May this festival of lights enlighten us and those who are screwing up our ‘unity in diversity’.

Peace out 🙂

diwali102510_1_innerbig

Why Feminist-o-Phobia Is As Important As Homophobia, Islam-o-phobia And The Likes… To Be Addressed

Alright, so I’m guessing you’ve probably read or watched articles about how harmful homophobia or how Islam-o-phobia is stereotyping hatred against all Muslims and taking away their basic human rights… but I’m certain, you haven’t probably heard the word- FEMINIST-O-PHOBIA!

Let me explain what it is with an incident.

14460037115582

Recently, I registered online for a course in Women’s Leadership. It was a MOOC with several thousand students participating from different parts of the world.

I mean seriously, you’re literally studying oppression of women in the corporate world when you signed up for a course like this. (hold that thought).

In the first discussion platform, we were asked how do we define women’s leadership and who inspires it.

Being a feminist, I proudly created a thread announcing that when I think of women’s leadership, my inspiration comes from strong headed fearless women like Gloria Steinem and Chimamanda Ngozi who do not compromise or negotiate on basic human rights and who have made tremendous contributions to speak about it.

Within seconds a woman posted a comment saying she wouldn’t describe herself or see feminist women as leaders because ‘they push the agenda against men’.

THIS IS FEMINIST-O-PHOBIA!

When without knowing what feminism is, a person decided to reject or resent it, based on their own stereotypical perceptions of feminism.

I don’t know how many times we have to establish that feminism is about gender equality. The definition of feminism is:

Feminism is a range of movements and ideologies that share a common goal: to define, establish, and achieve equal political, economic, cultural, personal, and social rights for women. This includes seeking to establish equal opportunities for women in education and employment.

But I think I can understand why this happens quoting my own example.

I decided not to be a feminist, before I knew what feminism is. (simply based on the negative messages I had heard about feminism).

Fortunately, I had enough brain to see things for myself and discovered the word and the movement behind it.

So, I think all those people claiming ‘I’m not a feminist’ are just ‘pre-feminists’. 

They are just waiting to stumble upon the actual meaning and beauty of gender equality.

tumblr_ntsbieAbC61s07vpzo1_1280

However, from the discussion on that MOOC platform, I also noted that some people will NEVER change their minds, regardless of the logic and statistics. Not because your explanation is weak but simply because they have a closed mind that does not allow them to accept and understand.

If someone can prove it to me that feminism is bad /inhuman/ dirty/ unjust/ discriminatory I will publicly disassociate myself with the word. Because I have an open mind. But after several studies and research and self exploration, I’ve seen that feminism is not political…it’s extremely personal to me.

Femmefatale_0af496_5379252

Whether you choose to identify yourself as a feminist or not is your choice, but before you hate it or resent it, at least make an effort to know what it is cause you really look ignorant otherwise. Don’t make a fool of yourself in public because as the world progresses, knowledge is spreading and there are more people identifying themselves as pro gender equality-aka feminists!

Unless of course you work for BOKO HARAM OR TALIBAN. Don’t be left out.

1452039_619805228061877_1306828660_n

PM Modi’s speech – Text book definition of ‘othering’ of women

This Is My Truth

If there’s one politician I absolutely loathe it’s the Prime Minister Narendra Modi. Besides his chequered history as Gujarat’s CM under whose watch thousands lost lives and yet he never even said, “Sorry, my administration failed”, I just find him extremely loud, crass, dishonest and downright creepy. The moment I hear or see him on TV my peace of mind goes for a toss, and so I never actually hear or see him. I change channel. I never saw any of his speeches until today, when I watched the speech at the launch of Prime Minister’s gold scheme.

I heard him today because he was making these terrible blunders one after the other and I was noting them down and wondering how much worse would it. Where he go wrong? He used gendered language.

“In India, women don’t have anything, house, car et all in the name of husband or son…

View original post 780 more words

3 Things That Must be Banned in India Instead of Beef and Porn

This year India has witnessed the most extreme series of events. I don’t know if it’s always been like this and only now I have noticed but seems like its not just me, many people on the social media agree that we are living in a very important time in history. An interesting pic I came across yesterday from the Liberal Indian :

12188969_1001403786590539_3862529851602845459_n

While I’m not a fan of bans and the likes, bans in India seem to have become a fashion statement for the government. So I thought while we are at it, why don’t I write about what 3 things I want banned…

  1. Same sex schools and colleges– I explained this point some time ago in length in an article I wrote for The Milli Gazette. I wrote it for Muslim readers’ view point but the logic is universally applicable. Here it is:

Mistakes, Muslim parents make while deciding schools for their children.

We already are well aware of the thin literacy rates among Indian Muslims. A large majority of this thin population is sent only to same gender schools. I remember, while I studied in Lucknow (a city with dense Muslim population), I never had more than four Muslims in my classroom. The conventional Islamic wisdom of men and women gatherings in separate areas is well lived until today. Sadly, it makes Indian Muslims look like a bunch of double standard, non secular hobbits who cannot be loyal friends with anyone. Non Muslims also send their children to same gender schools, not just Muslims, but they have different reasons. Most importantly, is it worth it?

As far as imagination can possibly think, the main reason for choosing same gender school for their kids is because these parents are afraid that their children might get attracted to the opposite gender and do un-Islamic things which bring shame upon the family. They might elope or get into wrong company. Their hearts might close to Islam and they may adopt non Islamic habits and rituals etc. think about it honestly, cant they do all this stuff in the same gender schools?

For a moment, let us consider what happens when you send your child to a same sex school. Since, this axe befalls on the female gender largely, think about an all girls school. When your kid see only girls around, the first impression she gets as a child, is that a boy is forbidden. As human psychology dictates, this creates an extra curiosity and interest in your girls mind about the opposite gender. What did curiosity do to the cat, remember? The same happens with the growing young woman and she finds it more and more rebellious to just speak with a man, which incites her curiosity furthermore. In a co education school system, this barely happens because gender disparity is negligible and young boys and girls interact with each other WITHOUT considering the gender in the weird way.

Another important element missing in a same gender school is the gender related etiquette. In a girl’s college, for example, girls gossip and talk about issues and the opposite gender in the rudest manner possible. If a girl student’s brother is lost alone in the corridors of a girl’s school, he is most certainly going to be bullied, if not harassed. While in a co education school system, both the girls and boys learn to behave and interact with each other respectfully and un- offensively. By separating our girls and boys at the very young age, we are creating an unnecessary sexual tension between our kids and killing their opportunity to learn how to behave with the opposite gender.

 India is a multi cultural nation and you cannot guarantee that the next place your daughter will visit will be an all women kind of a place, professionally or personally. NO, you cannot guarantee that. But what is guaranteed to happen is that when a young woman who has never interacted with the opposite gender has to speak with him for any reason, she either gets nervous (then suffers from gender inferiority complex) or she feels she has met the man of her life (as she does not know any other men at all). This same gender ideology works in Saudi Arabia because the nation is accustomed to it BY DESIGN, India is NOT! India is a secular nation and this makes an Indian Muslim truly unique and commendable, because of the challenges they face and the cultural dilemma they solve in everyday life. I remember a friend who got so frustrated with her parents, isolating her from the opposite gender (not letting her work or study), saying “why don’t they even marry me to a woman, if the thought of any man even speaking with me bugs them so badly”.

Moving with age, a young woman who has been sent to a same gender school always, will most certainly be married in the conventional “arranged” manner, (if she has not already eloped with the milk man or the newspaper guy or the plumber). Arranged marriages have been running in India for centuries and most people take pride in this tradition, basing it on the statistics of success rates of such marriages. This is why Social Sciences and qualitative research is a thriving profession now because numbers DON’T tell you the whole story. The reason for the success rates of arranged marriages is because most of these girls have been educated in same gender schools, if at all educated. They suffer from gender inferiority complex and personality disorders. Their development and growth only includes the vague notions of old cultures placing women under the feet of men. I remember the words of a close friend, struggling to make her marriage work, “I cannot enter Paradise, unless my husband agrees to it”. Women are made to think that their deen, dunya and akhira are dependent completely on their husband, no matter how big of a jerk he is. Arranged marriages are not necessarily happy marriages, in fact not marriages at all in many cases. They are only deals and compromises where women are forced to stay with their jerk-of-a-husband because they are aware that they will be blamed if the marriage snaps. They will also be looked down upon if they go back and live with their parents and if they have children, their life becomes all the more hell.

In a way, we have closed all doors for Indian Muslim women. You did not educate them enough so that they can go out and earn a decent living for their sake. The result is that they have to slave themselves for their entire lives for a man who does not deserve them, to run a marriage which is more of a money vs woman’s beauty deal and to win the approval of a society which blames women and makes her pay the price of even just being a woman. On the other hand, women who study in co education school systems may be out going and career oriented. And yes, they may consider their options and bring a man home to introduce to their family. Doesn’t it actually solve the whole “searching process” for the family and makes their life much easier? And yes, the divorce rates for arranged turned love marriages may be higher. But the only reality that indicates is that these women were strong enough to come out of relationships in which they were not appreciated and are now enjoying freedom. This is why Allah (s.w.t) said that divorce is NOT forbidden. It is least preferred by Him, but yet not forbidden.

Thus, it all starts from an early age when your kids barely understand what gender means. As parents you chose for them and Allah (s.w.t) has ordained you to choose the best for your children. Sending your girl to an all girl’s school will NOT necessarily make her a pious girl and sending your son to an all boy’s school will neither make him a women-respecting, non violent, sensitive gentleman. It is YOUR upbringing that will make your daughter a pious woman and your son a gentleman. Small minds work that way- considering that an all girl’s school will solve all the problems of your life. India is a country where gender disparity shows its ugly face in the form of barbaric incidents. If you want to keep your daughters safe, teach your sons to respect and protect women. And start it from the school.

2- Arranged marriages– This goes without much explanation. If you’ve been following my blog you already know my views about arranged marriages. Marriage is a two people act. It must be mutual and out of free will. My post specifically on this topic is here:

I Don’t Want My Parents to Choose My Husband. Here’s Why…

3- Bribery- This is pretty self explanatory-

findings-from-ey-bribery-and-corruption-survey-in-india-2013-6-638

If you were in power and you could ban few things, what would your choices be?

Share your comments and please share the post among people who might enjoy it.

Thanks for reading, take care.

Ciao!

5 Secret Reasons Why (Most) Indian Parents Push Their Kids to Get Married by 23?

Marriages are beautiful and made in heaven. We all were told that, right?
Nothing could be farther from the truth. Marriages are made in the minds of our parents for one of the following reasons:
  1. In fear that their child will begin dating or would have the freedom to hook up.
  2. To flaunt to their relatives, friends and neighbors how wealthy they are.
  3. To establish that their child is grown up and is moving to the next stage of life by everyone’s approval.
  4. To share 10 times filtered and photo-shopped pictures on Facebook.
  5. The last one is gender specific-
a) Men- so that a free, domestic servant for life can serve the family and the mother-in-law who had been taking care of the grown up son until now, can dump those responsibilities on the bride.
b)Women- afraid that she might get pregnant before marriage or elope or get ‘out of their hands’ in some way- taming women is tough so its better if the husband and his family members handle the reigns asap.
OB-UN264_ihomem_G_20120911093102
Someone in the back bench just yelled-
They want their child to be happy???????????
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
I disagree to this one because if they wanted their children to be happy, marriage is not license for happiness. More importantly if their happiness meant anything, they would let their children choose their life partners.
670px-Live-and-Deal-with-Indian-Parents-Step-8
Before you judge me for being disrespectful, let me tell you that I’m happily single and independent and I’m where I’m because I don’t have an elder brother who can support my parents when the time comes. Neither my family has access to some benefits or pensions that can keep things running for them. My choice to establish a career and then think of marriage (if ever) is for the sake of my parents. Instead of marrying off like my sisters and cousins when they were 23, I decided to stay single and I’m proud of my decision.
If you really love your parents, you do not have to do whatever they spoon feed to you. Be a matured individual first ‘because you cannot pour from an empty cup’. To be able to say that you’re a great child, begin with
1-not pressuring them for dowry if you’re a woman.
As far as parents are concerned, Indian parenting seriously needs to be recycled. Beginning with Bollywood and terrible Ekta Kapoor serials where women are nothing but self sacrificing saints or devils-nothing in between. Please parents, re-consider your parenting and stop forcing your children to get married.
And yes, marriages are not made in heaven but in expensive 5 star hotels with the help of multi cuisine serving caterers and the likes. If they were made in heaven, no one would ever have gotten divorced. Let’s ditch those floozy ideas and live in the real world where unmarried couples sometimes without an official paper, survive hardships for decades and marriages consist of domestic violence, marital rape, dowry deaths and painful divorces.
There are good marriages as well where both the husband and wife share happy and balanced relationships. But if you cannot decide your own partner for life, I don’t think you’re matured enough to start a relationship because relationships need a lot of growing up, emotional maturity and compatibility.
Please share your thoughts and spread the message 🙂