Yes, it’s February. The month when the snow starts to melt and the layers of wool from our bodies drop. With all the pre-Spring chirp in the air, there’s also thoughts and plans for Valentine’s Day.
For couples its about planning what to gift, how to celebrate, where to visit… is that a proposal I smell (wink wink) and for the single ones its either a night at home watching ‘Orange is the new black’ for the 11th time
OR a brunch with family and friends.
Now, I’m not going to educate you about the history and significance of St. Valentine and the importance of this adorable day (I’m guessing you already know about it)but I’m going to talk about LOVE in a very different light.
LOVE is the cure for all aches and what we all seek. Without LOVE, there would be no art, no songs, no poetry and no humanity. But there’s more to LOVE. Before you set out your LOVE plans this Valentine’s Day, spend a few minutes to pause and reflect on these aspects of your relationship…
1- LOVE has no dark sides but people certainly blame LOVE for their darker side.
Love in the purest and simplest form of emotion is just that; LOVE. When people in relationships become jealous, aggressive, possessive, outrageous or even criminal… its not LOVE, its their insecurities. Even if you were not in this person’s life, they would still be this insecure person and someone else would be the victim. Or probably you experience those insecurities and blame them on LOVE.
Reflect. Ask questions to yourself. Do yourself a favor this Valentines’ Day.
2- LOVE is one of the single biggest MANIPULATING factor in abusive relationships.
As mentioned above, LOVE itself is the most awesome emotion that exists but LOVE is used in abusive, unhealthy relationships to manipulate the poor person who believes that their perpetrator loves them. If you are being hurt and pained in your current relationship, stop for a moment and ask yourself this;
Would you still be in touch with this person if this person wasn’t your spouse or partner?
Usually, when we get even the slightest of insult or disrespect from a friend or family or acquaintaince, we abruptly react and either confront or never see them again. Why then in the most important relationship, should one be bullied and hurt? If it HURTS, it isn’t LOVE SWEETHEART! You gotto move on.
3- LOVE needs to be explore, investigated, understood and practiced.
OK, I’m not saying that an illeterate person cannot LOVE and all literate ones are LOVE gurus. I’m also not saying that it takes a PhD in Lovology to be in a relationship. But I’m suggesting that there are 3 factors here; you, the other person and the glue called LOVE. Although it sounds weird but self awareness is NOT something we learn naturally. Most of us rank extremely poor in it. Here’s a quick rapid fire:
Who are you? (not your job, not your father’s kid, not your degree, just you)
What is it that you want from life?
What makes you feel loved and why?
These were just a few points to get you thinking. Now the other person… you can spend an entire life getting to know someone and still know only 20-80% of them. Unless the other person trusts you enough to unravel theirselves, you would never know who this person is. How can you LOVE someone who you don’t even know?
Lastly comes the emotion of LOVE. Human Psychology has made several scientific advancements in the filed of LOVE and actually there’s a lot that we can learn.
I suggest read books on self awareness, relationships and love.
The more you educate yourself, the better are your chances of experiencing LOVE, the real deal, the true thing…not a CHEAPER FAKE COPY!
4- LOVE has some accompanying buddies without which LOVE is NOT LOVE.
Think of the following words-care, trust, respect, loyalty and humility. These are like the 5 pillars of LOVE. Even if one of the pillars is missing, you are not experiencing LOVE. These are actually very good red flags or indicators in abusive relationships. Ask yourself if your relationship has all 5 of these pillars.
5- If all year your relationship has been in the dumps, Valentine’s Day will not change that.
Valentine’s Day is not about flowers, cards and candle-lit dinners. It’s about the above 5 pillars, remaining sturdy, ALL 365 days a year. I know a gentleman (if we can call him that) who abuses and swears at his wife all year round except for 2 days; Valentine’s Day and her birthday. In fact he throws a great party, invites his kids and grand kids and showers his wife with gifts and the most special treatment that makes other women feel how deeply this man loves his wife.
TRUTH?; It’s all for 24 hours, twice a year. Once they come home from the restaurant, he is back to swearing and beating his wife. But its nice to show off to others what an ideal husband he is.
If this sounds like your story… please beware. It’s a horror story and the sooner you end it, the better it is.
In conclusion, I want to say that LOVE is out there, even if you don’t believe it now. No relationship is all roses and chocolates either. There will always be arguments, tiffs and getting mad and heartbreaks.
But if there’s no heartbreaking, how will there ever be HEART-MENDING?
The one that mends your heart is the LOVER you need to be with.
Do celebrate Valentine’s Day, but don’t be so desperate to celebrate it with the wrong person. You deserve better. Like Jenni says:
With Love and Peace,