Pinterest is a wonderful home for everything beautiful you’ll ever find on this planet- both human-made and natural.
When I discovered Pinterest it was to research for ‘what to wear to an interview’ search.
I found great stuff on that.
My search also extended in the later days to heavenly travel destinations, magical baked goods, makeup tricks, writing and blog related info and ultimately wedding outfits.
A wedding is a large area. First I drooled at the long flared wedding gowns, then at the lavish wedding venues, creative wedding decorations and then the iconic and signature- couple photos.
It’s addictive. Looking at two flawless people madly in love with each other in moments that are sacred is just magical.
Once you start looking you just can’t stop. The lovely poses, the creative shots, the look in their eyes… what’s not to like.
I admit. My eyes were glued to my screen for hours spread over months. But as much as I loved admiring those pictures, I noticed a deep feeling of anxiety and restlessness after.
Let me explain my situation a bit first.
I’m 30 plus now. When I was 20, I was one of those girls who wanted to have the most lavish wedding ceremony with a loving man and I’d dream endlessly of how I would be the best wife on the planet. I would watch some of these TV soaps featuring the all-sacrificing wife which I now think are ridiculous and stupid.
But that time I would see myself as the all loving and epitome of sacrifice wife whose sacrifices and dedication would make people drop to her feet in respect.
And then my elder sister got married and things changed. I saw the real side of the struggles from planning a wedding ceremony to actually living under the same roof with a man you now call your husband.
To be honest, I didn’t have the best example because the guy my sister married was an asshole in every sense of the word. Up until now looking at my father, I had only seen men as humans. With that guy, I saw how men can be monsters. From verbal abuse to physical and from the direct attack’s on her to public shaming of my family, he did it all.
The impact of all of that on me was so profound my own relationships suffered and I broke off. Since then I’ve been so cautious that I don’t believe any man easily when he shows interest in marriage. Being cautious is one thing but I also wonder if I am now commitment-phobic because this idea of staying with one person forever just sounds like a lot of pressure.
What if he changed, what if he turned out to be a jerk? What if he cheats or lies?
And it’s not just about that.
These days the pressure to be perfect is so high it’s exhausting.
All these people posting pictures on social media with their spouses and kids… it’s an extreme pressure to look happy and picture perfect all the time.
From looking at my sisters’ experiences in both her marriages, I fear if I can keep up that fake image of marital bliss in case I’m unhappy. And even if let’s assume my husband doesn’t turn out to be a jerk, people still argue and sometimes won’t be feeling that Pinterest worthy romance towards each other. What happens then?
The financial aspect of this marriage business is also soul-crushing. The best of the best venues, dresses, camera crew, makeup staff, and interiors are free on Pinterest. Looking at those luxury things for hours makes you want to want them. But affording those things is a whole different story.
To be able to afford that, one needs to be a millionaire easy. Even the most budget-friendly weddings aren’t cheap. And realizing that you can’t afford those fancy things adds to the layer of depression and resentment.
Then you start to question your life choices and financial stability. And that reminds you of the family pressure who wanted to see you married six years ago. Whose hopes are on you and you’re scared to death about accidentally bringing another jerk home who doesn’t respect the family.
Oh god, can you believe we started at Pinterest, innocently browsing some images and we ended here in a mid-life crisis?
(Lucky for me, I am more attracted to intrinsic values than extrinsic material possessions and trophy spouses, hence able to maintain my mental well being, otherwise, I may have robbed a bank or married a wealthy jerk long ago and may have already killed myself with the pressure to keep up the fake image of happiness).