Muslim Woman MP + Hindu Husband + Indian Parliament = Disaster

Recently, a Muslim Woman by name called Nusrat Jehan was voted to be one of the MP’s to the Indian Parliament among few others. Kudos for female representation in politics.

But since she is married to a Hindu man, she is being trolled and while they agree on nothing but this they agreed on that this woman deserved to be trolled.

Hindus trolled her for her Western outfit that she wore a few days ago.

Muslims trolled her for wearing saree and sindoor and her marriage to a Hindu Man.

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Although, the validity of those Twitter trolls is questionable it would be far fetched to say that Indian Muslims are so secular that they won’t flinch their eyebrows on the concept of a Muslim woman marrying a Hindu man.

Whatever, but here are my two cents on the debate:

India is a secular country.

Any woman living on the land of India can wear whatever she pleases and marry whoever she pleases or not marry at all.

Muslim clerics giving her lessons in Islamic studies, trying to ‘educate’ her or basically patronize her, giving lessons in ‘how to dress like a Muslim woman’ really should stop propagating this line of thought because besides being a Muslim, they are also Indian.

Indian Muslims are different from Arab Muslims simply because our identity was created on the values of secularity and religious tolerance and acceptance.

There is no compulsion in Islam by the very definition of it but very conveniently men forget this part.

An Indian woman, whether she marries a man of her religion or that of another, has the right to do so under the Indian sky and when you try to lecture her for her choices, you are violating her constitutional civil right.

Plain and simple.

She can be barely Muslim, namesake Muslim, practicing Muslim or a Non-Muslim.

It’s up to her.

As the lady Fatima in the debate show said that this is a Muslim women’s issue- it certainly isn’t.

The one thing that united INDIAN MEN both HINDUS AND MUSLIMS across India is their MISOGYNY AND SEXISM.

No woman has been spared from their filthy graze, patronizing remarks and excessive trolling online and offline.

Rahul Eshwar made a point about people in public life developing a ‘thick skin’ because trolling is part of being in the limelight and suggesting we all take PM Modi as an example.

I want to bang my head on the wall because I don’t know if he is pretending to be an idiot in order to trivialize the issue or if he genuinely can’t differentiate between gender-based oppression- sexism and generic critique.

PM Modi is criticized on his silence on the oppression of minorities, the financial massacre that was demonization and a million other things. Not for what he was wearing or being tagged as a male prostitute which these women were called.

Can’t you see no difference in critique and personal gender-based attacks?

I am not saying women must not be criticized but criticize women for their work and when you say they are incompetent don’t dare say that all women are incompetent.

I personally hated how Hema Malini took some photos in the fields right before the elections and when asked about the work she has done for her constituency, she said that she doesn’t remember.

I shared plenty of memes myself because that is an abuse of power. Critique her all you want but for her and her work alone.

Don’t attack the entire gender, don’t say she is incompetent because she is a woman and when criticizing her, only focus on the work, not what she is wearing or the way her hair looks.

It’s not rocket science. If you want to see the difference, you really will.

 

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How Women Find Excuses to Dismiss My Belief Against Domestic Abuse

Men and women have almost equal contribution in the fucked up mess that our society is today.

Undoubtedly, men have played a prominent role as aggressors and oppressors, while women have been the oppressed ones, historically and statistically speaking.

But in most people’s minds, women’s roles in perpetuating misogyny, domestic abuse, and even rapes have been downplayed.

Women make excuses for their abusive husbands, sons, and brothers, among many other awful things that contribute to the oppression of women.

The funny thing that I want to discuss in this article is how while discussing domestic abuse, women dismiss my advice or warnings to suit their narrative.

WHEN I SAY I AM IN A HAPPY RELATIONSHIP WITH A MAN:

Speaking as a feminist who has a man in her life who respects and loves her, my advice or whatever statement I make in a discussion is dismissed.

They say I have a good guy, the rest of them are not like him and since I don’t know what an abusive relationship is like, I cannot understand the risks of living a single woman’s life and which is why they would continue to live with an abusive man.

WHEN I SAY I AM A HAPPY SINGLE WOMAN:

They say that I am a man-hating feminist who never wants to be associated with a man. Over the years I have been awarded many other such titles, dominating feminist, a competitor of men, delusional woman who thinks she does not need men blah blah blah.

I have been in both situations, single and in a relationship.

And not for one second I changed my core belief that

A MAN THAT DOES NOT RESPECT YOU OR TREATS YOU AS HIS EQUAL, DOES NOT DESERVE YOU. 

Domestic abuse has many aspects and leaving a spouse or partner you love/d is never going to be easy. I never said it would be.

But is it easy to be with a man who can break your skull any moment with a bat?

Technically speaking, almost nothing in life is easy. But instead of finding ways to bring down women who claim to be a feminist and advocate equal rights in a relationship also, not just on paper in society, maybe focus on the reason why you are NOT A FEMINIST.

Feminism to me is religion, it is logic, it is common sense. A way for society to move forward and accept all humans as they are. Just because you have failed to Google a simple definition of what ‘feminism’ is, does not mean I would not call myself a feminist to save me from your judgment.

I have the deepest of sympathies for any person, any gender who is in an abusive relationship and needs help. In fact, this blog is for such people and I get queries from all over the world, from all sorts of people seeking advice. I have studied the topics, researched them and written books on them. So, I know my shit. I know what I am talking about.

But these women defending the abuse and saying ‘this is what marriage is’ and ‘I am putting up with this for my kids’ is a total disaster. Instead of defending abuse and abusive men, break the cycle of abuse by not making your kids watch you get beaten.

And I will always be there to help.

Me, the openly feminist, man-hating single woman. (#satire)

 

Free Public Transport For Women is An Excellent Step By Delhi Govt Through a Feminist Lens. Here’s Why:

So, the AAP government in New Delhi, India recently announced that they would like to make public transport (metro rail and buses) FREE for women.

One might assume this would be celebrated by people, right?

Shockingly, NO. People are pissed. Or let’s say, ignorant ones at least are. And they are making arguments to protest against this move. Below, I write about the arguments and why they are absolute garbage.

1- This is not FEMINISM or EQUALITY if only women get free rides.

If you think about equality in such binary terms, you have no clue what feminism is. The picture most commonly circulated on the internet to explain the issue is this one, which illustrates what I mean.

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Equality is the ideal goal but to give people equality, we have to ensure all people have the same starting point in the race. Which is not. We have all sorts of social and economic inequalities within gender inequality. So, if you have read anything on FEMINISM, you would know that things like reservations for the disabled or women or any special privileges given to women are because historically women were marginalized and to CORRECT THAT IMBALANCE some sort of measures will be needed.

2- Don’t bring FEMINISM into this.

Of course, the existence of women and them reclaiming public spaces is very much a feminist issue and if anyone claims to be a feminist for real, they would very much approve and celebrate this move by Kejriwal.

3- Women care about safety and not free rides.

This one too is an ignorant statement from someone coming from a privileged background. Maybe you don’t care about saving roughly 2500 INR per month because your bank account has 50,000. But for someone who barely makes 10,000 or less a month, this 2500 would mean a lot to them.

So, please don’t pretend that all Indian women living in Delhi are so financially well off that they don’t care about saving that money. Secondly, safety is a larger picture, the elements of which are divided into a thousand smaller pieces.

Safety for women is NOT an ice cream that you GIVE women.

Because if that is the case, women suffer the most harassment and abuse in their own homes through their husbands, fathers, brothers, and relatives. Can we isolate all women from their families or place CCTVs inside their homes?

Women’s safety is a very large project and women RECLAIMING PUBLIC SPACES is a tiny element or a building block that would contribute to that larger picture. The key here is for women TO BE SEEN in public spaces, changes the age-old mindset of men that women must stay indoors or only travel at certain times a day.

You may not think it has any impact but research suggests otherwise. Just speak with Mumbaikers. Women in Mumbai may also face harassment in public from time to time but they travel at any time day or night and are not looked at weirdly because the working class women do travel and men have gotten used to the idea of seeing them in public spaces.

I cannot emphasize how important it is for women to BE SEEN IN PUBLIC SPACES, living their lives, doing their thing or just loitering.

4- This is only a political bait thrown by the AAP.

To people who say this, my question is “name one political party in India that has not offered some kind of pre-election treat to people?”

And if those pre-election promises are religious divisions and persecution of minorities, then I think AAP IS NOT ONLY RIGHT BUT also should be CELEBRATED for at least making the bait non-religious, and something that would help the working class women from economically backward society.

5- The metros will be overcrowded and uncomfortable and all sorts of poor people would make it ghetto.

This, of course, is an argument coming from an elitist or upper-middle-class person who wants equality and democracy only above their level, not below.

The people making the policy are not fools. Kejriwal explained how this has been budgeted and taking into account the daily commuters stats, there is not going to be overcrowding as is in Mumbai.

Yeah, the only thing is, wearing your expensive Gucci dress you might have to sit or stand next to a happy maid wearing a 200 Rupee saree, who just might be too busy to notice your fancy presence because her focus might be not on your Prada bag but her monthly wage.

So, if this pisses you off that a poor woman might make a living while you cannot call the metro fancy and a means that caters to rich people any more, then I would say- STAY PISSED, NO ONE CARES.

This is what all of it actually comes down to.

Women from poorer backgrounds might be able to travel far for economic opportunities and in general, the reclaiming of public spaces by women is GOOD and a welcome move.

Kejriwal has got this one thing right and may have a hundred more to go.

But at least its a good start.

Something is better than nothing.

Would A Low Income Husband Really Follow Around His Famous High Profile Wealthy Wife? Thoughts on Netflix’s ‘Always Be My Maybe’.

Netflix has been doing a good job in terms of creating content with diversity and woke perceptions in general.

The latest movie, ‘Always Be My Maybe’ is one such example, staring Ali Wong and Randall Park.

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We have seen these two several times before but rarely as the protagonists of the story with their own fully developed characters. So, absolutely refreshing to see talented and amazing actors like them to come on full display rather than remain side pieces. Their acting was on point, the screenplay and story were entertaining and very millennial, very relevant for 2019. All the side characters were also funny, smart and did an amazing job at moving the story forward.

The theme though, which rarely is seen in English films or any cinema worldwide for that matter is that of a middle-class man, dating a high profile celebrity woman.

The film does a good job of showing how the two different lifestyles just don’t mix and the clashes are hilarious.

Marcus is a very vanilla, very sweet but scared man. Maybe losing his mother at a young age made him stay comfortable by his dad, in that very same neighborhood. He is a talented singer but lacks ambition. He doesn’t want to try new things, do anything adventurous or take any chances.

Sasha, on the other hand, is a celebrity chef who is innovating traditional Korean/ Chinese cuisine and taking it to the next level where a plate costs four figures worth of money. She does not like to stay in one place, she takes chances, she is successful and does not apologize for her money or fame. With all that fancy, high profile life though comes a lot of pretentiousness. She herself has that regular girl vibe but to be at that level of success and deal with a wealthy clientele, she has created a fake fancy version of herself that she blends easily with her real self. She has felt neglected as a kid when her immigrant parents used to be busy working and she had to look after herself. That seems to have made her stand for herself in a good way, though she resents being neglected as a kid.

Sasha and Marcus were neighbors and as kids and had grown fond of each other. So there is already a pre-existing affection there. Maybe this is what holds the story together because otherwise, would we believe that a celebrity hotshot chef is with a middle-class man?

Don’t get me wrong here. I am not saying that no wealthy high profile, famous person has ever dated or married a person who is not as famous or wealthy.

What I am saying is that how many times have we seen this for real or in TV and films as fiction? I personally am aware of plenty of women who were great at studies, got amazing grades, medical and engineering degrees and today I see them washing their husbands’ underwear and dishes. If this was just a one-off instance, then I might tell myself it is no big deal. But the cases I see are about 98% approximately.

Speaking of films and TV, we have always seen the wife or girlfriend following the man around. The guy is the one with an important career or a mission. And the woman is the cheerleader standing on the sidelines. Women have always been nurturing wives and mothers who are just a piece in the success of a man.

Take Julia Roberts’ two films for instance.

In Notting Hill, she is the celebrity, the rich woman falling in love with the regular guy Hugh Grant, who plays the role of a book shop owner. The theme of her fame and wealth is constantly in conflict with the man’s ego. Just look at the question on the poster- Can the most famous star in the world fall for the man in the street. Wow. Have you ever seen this question where the man is famous and the woman is from the street? Barely ever, because that is the NORM.

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In Pretty Woman, Julia Roberts is playing the role of a prostitute who is picked up by a wealthy Richard Gere for a night that turns into a week and they fall in love. The wealth and fame of the guy is no impediment to the woman there. She is thrilled at the amenities and luxuries. In the end, you see her going along with the wealthy guy without there being any conflict with her ego or self-respect.

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People say that our media and entertainment is the mirror of our society. It is hard to say that we have these unsaid rules that the man has to be wealthier, taller, older than the woman, were created by media or society first. But they certainly exist in both realms.

If not, why do I constantly hear  ‘no man wants a woman that successful, so dial down your ambitions’? And if and when a woman is more successful than a man, why is the world judgmental and harsh towards the man? Why does the man himself feel small and unappreciated or grumpy about not being in the spotlight?

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Marcus has no ego issues or does he? He feels bad when Sasha refers to him as a ‘regular’ guy, holding the purse of his woman while the world’s eyes are on her.

But you also see him not choosing to follow Sasha to New York simply because his only family, his father, his friends, his band, his dads business, everything required him to stay where he was.

I guess we can say it’s both and it takes a while for him to get used to being OK with standing on the sidelines.

My wish is that there were more men out there who did not crush their women’s ambitions and do not make this an ego or manliness issue that their wives earn more than them.

This theme was slightly discussed in The Big Bang Theory where Amy and Bernadette discuss hiding their money or awards from their husbands so they do not feel that their wives are more successful than them. Similarly, at one point when Penny makes more money than Leonard, he gets weird too.

Time and again we see this thing. Men used to be the breadwinners for their families while women stayed home, cooked and made babies. This was in the past though.

While all our entertainment is highly tilted towards this ‘men being the breadwinner’ narrative, the millennials have made some strides in changing this. The film ‘The Intern’ starring Anne Hathaway and Robert DiNero was one such for instance. Anne was a founder of her fashion brand and her husband was a stay at home dad. And they were happy with their arrangement because it worked.

I cannot put enough emphasis on the importance of changing this ‘man is the higher one, guardian, head of the family, breadwinner’ narrative.

Girls do much better than boys at school, we have seen this for several years in several surveys. Yet by the time they reach college or graduate, their numbers in the workforce decline drastically.

Motherhood takes its toll at one point and lack of proper maternity policies are also to blame. Everything is rigged in favor of male employees. When they make bigger families, they are given more benefits, higher positions and are seen as stable people, as seen in plenty of films and women, on the other hand, are penalized for having babies.

Netflix and a few other movie makers are changing this narrative, whether it is through subtle rom-com type films like ‘Always Be My Maybe’ (which isn’t a serious, in-depth feminist film of a woman’s fight or struggle) or more serious ones here and there. As a woman, I can only hope that this narrative seeps in the societal expectations too. Serious films on themes like this have their own space. But plenty of people get sidelined or purposefully dislike such films as they see it as ‘women-centric’ (which for them is a bad thing). Hence this idea needs to sneak in mainstream films, all kinds of films, like parents, hide medicine in a banana to feed their kid.

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Social changes like these move at a glacial speed and in a world where little girls are exiled to huts while on their periods, one might be thankful to be in some part of the world where we at least get to go out and work. But we cannot get stuck with being satisfied with the crumbs of societal respect. Many men I know, send their wives to work in the garb of being progressive, while their true intent is to benefit from her salary because of the inflation in the economies all around the world. But they show off and applaud themselves that they ‘allow’ their wives to work.

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These same men also flirt with other women because, after work, this wife of theirs comes home, helps kids with homework, cooks food and goes to bed late at night after putting everyone to bed. So, while the man is ‘allowing’ the woman to work outside the home, the entire household is still the wife’s responsibility. The poor woman who was earlier handling all household chores and was the primary parent and primary caregiver to the elderly is now also laboring outside the home. How is this of any benefit to her?

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This Netflix film was an entertaining light note romantic comedy but I think the themes were such that we need to discuss and ponder over and urge people around us to move towards valuing women’s labor in the way Sasha’s work is valued. She is unapologetic about her ambitions, her success, her money and doesn’t give up on that crucial part of her just because the guy is too egotistical to deal with it. Successful women often are put in that spot where they are forced to choose between love and ambition.

Ambition ain’t going anywhere but if the guy really loves you, he would NEVER put you in that spot. Just saying.

 

Why Women Ask ‘How’s Dinner’ and How To Answer That Correctly

I know some men cook but as surveys, media and my own eyes tell me, women are the primary cooks in every house, in every country.

There is a thing with women though.

While you were busy playing video games, arguing with your mates about politics or watching the latest Die Hard on TV, she was probably slaving in the kitchen, making meals for you, your kids and in case of India, also your entire family.

When women serve you dinner on the table or bed or sofa,

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and you begin eating, they probably would ask you “so, how’s dinner?”

More often than not, they get the wrong answers.

Too salty.

Too greasy.

Too crispy.

Too chewy.

Too burnt.

I don’t like this.

Bla bla

You see, there is a right way to answer it. And that is:

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The thing is, after slaving in the kitchen for two hours, looking after the kids and most probably lots of other chores, when someone still does something for you, they are NOT looking for you to go all judgy-MasterChef on them.

What they want is APPRECIATION.

And since you are too busy watching TV to even notice, she has to ask you if you like your food. Just say thanks and something nice about it and shut it.

You may ask- what if the food is genuinely bad? Salty? Burnt? Crispy?

Of course, in that case, you don’t have to appreciate the food or eat it.

In that case, go to the kitchen and cook your food yourself!

Clearly, she is unskilled in that department and you need to do the cooking.

So, go to the kitchen, cook something nice and bring her some too, cause you know, what is she going to eat if the other food was burnt.

That’s how to correctly answer the question: How’s Dinner. 

We Need To Talk About Men’s Entitlement to Women’s Explicit Photos & Videos

“A recent study has shown just how common it is for teen boys to coerce or threaten girls into sending nude pictures: an analysis of 500 accounts from 12- to 18-year-old girls about negative experiences sexting found that two-thirds of them had been asked to provide explicit images — and that the requests often progressed from promises of affection to “anger displays, harassment and threats.” In an article about the study for The New York Times, psychologist Lisa Damour writes, “Teenagers are drafted into a sexual culture that rests on a harmful premise: on the heterosexual field, boys typically play offense and girls play defense… Most schools and many parents already tell teenagers not to send sexualized selfies. But why don’t we also tell adolescents to stop asking for nude photos from one another?”

‘Send Nudes’- A New Study Shows How Often Boys Pressure Girls For Explicit Photos

While I was ending school, personal mobile phones were becoming common and home video cameras were still a luxury for some but gaining a place in society slowly.

As the use of technology grew, so did the pressure from men. Sometimes this would be for sending explicit pictures, sometimes to do video chats in skimpy clothing and other times just sex chat with explicit language.

I always had reservations and never, ever gave in to such pressure simply because I am a shy person and never felt that the pressure and threats from the man in question were a reason enough for me to withdraw my personal boundaries. In fact, I blew off several guys who were pretending to be ‘friends’ but turned out were just perverts that today we call ‘fuck boys’.

Years passed and now I am in my early 30s.

But guess what?

The pressure from men has not gone down.

Recently, I was catching up after 10 years with a guy friend who I had never met but had text and Skype conversations with at times. This guy had revealed his liking for me in the past and asked if I would consider marrying him.

Considering that I am still single and have no plans to tie the knot, you can imagine how ridiculous the idea of marriage was to me back then.

Anyway, he got married and now has 2 young daughters about 6 and below, the pictures of whom he often shares on his timeline.

Catching up with him after 10 years on FB Messenger was a delight. I thought it would be good to know how life has treated him and exchange some grown-up talks on a lazy evening.

Unfortunately, he had different ideas.

For him, the conversation was about how awful his wife was despite working as a teacher and looking after the household chores entirely alone. And then it came down to turning the video camera on and posing.

I agreed to talk on a WhatsApp call after a ton of please..please and begging.

And while we talked he was worried that if he wanted to talk the next day, would I still take his call. Actually, his wife was visiting her parents for a few days and he wanted to make the most of his time by flirting with women.

The next day when he called, I was in the bathtub and when he began pushing for the camera, I told him I cannot and knowing about the bathtub his pervert inner self just jumped out of his balls and he began pushing madly to turn the camera on.

The guy is blocked till eternity so that was the end of that. But did it really have to go like that?

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Why do men feel it is OK to bluntly ask women to send nudes or sext or come on video and worse, why do they handle the rejection so bad?

The article I talked about in the beginning was about teenagers but even as grown-ups, that entitlement from men does not stop, does it?

And I have no words for the manipulation they try to trap you in when you say NO.

They will appear all sad and try to make you feel sorry and pity for them.

Then they will try anger and the ‘I won’t talk to you either’ threats.

And ultimately when they go out of patience, they even abuse and say all sorts of curses because they did not get their way.

We are talking about teenage men but grown-up men, father of two young daughters… when they have no respect for boundaries and exploit every second the wife is away to flirt and fuck with other women, what can we expect them to teach the younger generation of men?

 

 

3 Things Men Must Learn From Liam Neeson’s Rape-Revenge Fantasy and Racism Row

I’m sure you may have come across this news about Hollywood actor Liam Neeson’s comment on a movie junket about this deep revenge urge.

Basically,  a friend of his who was raped about 40 years ago had confided in him and Liam talked about his reaction to the news.

And his reaction had 3 major points:

1-The urge to lash out
2-The need to defend her honor
3-The desire for revenge

Before we go ballistic on him criticizing him, calling him a racist, let’s focus on the fact that Liam was not ‘caught’ being racist. He in fact admitted to having this hatred that he felt. There are 3 things to note:

1- Admitting the fact that this happened
2- Willingness to change and learn (still continues)
3- Sought help after

Trevor Noah has the most logical take on this issue which summed up to: people have taken it more seriously than they should because it’s Liam Neeson. Also, Liam going around saying he’s not a racist is just making it worst.
Of course, it was racism, hatred against the entire community for the crime of one.
Muslims would secretly be muttering “been there, felt that”!

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But the point here is that aside from the race aspect, the most important thing is absolutely undiscussed.
What help did he offer to that friend?
Did she visit the doctor?
Did she get the appropriate help from the police if she reported?
Could she report it?
What was it /would have been the consequences of openly admitting to being a rape victim?
How did his Catholic community treat rape victims and what help was provided?

Just like this incident, a million movies are made where the rape of a woman is used merely as a plot point that unleashed the wrath of the powerful male protagonist and women are reduced to mere props and eye candy.

What men need to learn from this incident is that this is NOT ABOUT THEIR REVENGE THEIR FEELINGS, THEIR HONOR OR THEIR WOMEN.

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It’s about the woman in question and for once in your lifetime just please take the backseat and ask what does she want. How she feels. What could you do to help?

Don’t make it impossible for her to share her pain with you because she may already be feeling guilty (as society does a very good job of blaming women for rape) , upon that when you lay the burden of a revenge murder or revenge rape on her, she may take her secret to the grave but never share it with you as she may fear you going to prison and that would also be somehow upon her.

Does that make any sense at all, guys?

What Liam did well was:
Admitting his act
Talking about bigotry
Urging to have difficult discussions on race and toxic masculinity
Willing to learn and look for the teachable moment

The 3 things you should thus learn from this incident are:

1- When a woman confesses her pain to you, keep your savior/knight in shining armor cape aside and just be there for her, empathize with her.

2- After listening, ask what she wants, what is her wish, how does she want to deal with it. Don’t force her to tell the police or family and neither force her to hide. Let her take the wheel of her life and let her decide what she feels is best for her.

3- Don’t lash out to hurt other people in order to take some sort of ‘revenge’. Not against the people of that race/religion and not against the women of the rapists family either.

I had a friend who once confessed to her husband about her rape incident and the husband was insistent that he will have revenge by raping the sister of the rapist.

Ultimately, it is an innocent woman who will suffer the consequences of a man’s actions. Please don’t fulfill your rape fantasies and justify them as ‘revenge’ for the pain caused to your wife/girlfriend.

Yes, it is awful to see your friend or wife as a victim of rape, traumatic even.

But remember you are not the primary victim here. Try to be there for the rape victim who actually suffered that trauma instead of acting out in a way that is the opposite of helpful.

Why Both Hindus & Muslims Need To Shove Their Judgments About Khatija, A.R. Rahman’s Daughter

So, only if you live under a rock, you may not have heard the song Jai Ho from Slumdog Millionaire movie and be unaware of world-famous musician A.R.Rahman.

These days his daughter is in the news and not for the reasons one might expect.

She was spotted in a complete Hijab in a couple of places and people took notice.

She was also invited for a show on TV where she interviewed her Dad in a hijab.

Quint had a blog story about it.

Both Hindus and Muslims in India had opinions on her attire and both need to just f”””k off, excuse my french.

Just take a look at the comments under the Quint article.

 

 

 

To sum it up for you, Muslims defend her hijab because ‘a woman is a pearl, chocolate, gold (some object that needs protection).’

And for non-Muslims, the judgment is all for being non-progressive, anti-women and offensive.

IT IS NEITHER!

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Khatija is an enterprising young woman who is very much capable of making her own choices and decisions. And her hijab is NOT FORCED by the males in the family.

It is as normal as a man wearing pants to work. Whether women wear skirts, saree, pants or hijab, it is great as long as she is the decision maker behind that attire.

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And for non-muslims, please focus on your religion because not one religion in the world is without sexist traditions and customs. So let the woman do what she wants and please get this stupid notion out of your mind that every woman who wears a hijab is somehow living under Al-Qaeda. THEY ARE NOT!

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Muslim women are NOT forced by Islamic laws to wear a hijab.

Islam prescribes ‘modesty’ and respect for the opposite gender, which is mandatory on BOTH GENDERS and not just women.

So inquire first before passing judgments, they just make you look stupid.

And lastly, as a believer of equal rights and feminism, if you demand women’s rights to wear what they want, I hope those rights include a woman’s right to wear hijab and a man’s right to wear skirts… not just white girls in bikinis.

Can A Woman Ever Really Have A Room Of One’s Own? Sasural or Mayka, which one? Neither?

When Virginia Woolf might have written about the need for a woman to have a room, a corner, a place of her own… I am not sure if she knew how relevant this idea would be for years after her.

A friend of mine who is considering divorce recently was talking about her ordeals and how she felt like an imposter, a bother in her husbands home where she lived for about 5 months after they got married.

She was told what to do when to do and during a fight, her husband threw at her face that she ate £500 worth of breakfast in that first month after their wedding. (while he ate most of it because of his manly appetite but good to blame the wife)

Unfortunately, she is not the only one, the only woman who feels like an imposter in her husbands home. This isn’t much of a surprise coming from women who are married into joint families (its the Indian family system in which the guy gets to live with entire family while the women are supposed to leave their parents homes and settle in their in-laws’ homes).

But is the freedom of a woman as restricted when she lives with just her husband, as a couple?

Apparently so.

One woman I know tells the tales of her husband literally locking her inside their home as he feared she might go out and cheat on him. Don’t even get me started on the physical abuse and the whole ordeal of pain.

But there’s another very weird but real case.

This woman lives with her partner and they have been together for about 8 years. There is no physical abuse. They have some issues, they sometimes fight but there is no ‘fear’ of the man as such.

However, since she isn’t the earner in the house, she doesn’t have that authority. The guy feels like he can say whatever, do whatever, make rules and she is supposed to follow because he is ‘right’.

A few days ago, her partner went to see his family for about a month. Before he left, she cried in secret because she knew she was going to miss him.

When he left, she did miss him.

She felt that silence around the home and she often talked to herself out loud.

But something really weird happened that she had not expected.

She loved the freedom.

She watched whatever she liked on TV (there was no struggle like every night where he puts on blood and violence despite knowing she gets nightmares).

She cooked whatever she liked just for herself (she has to make two separate meals because her partner eats bland food so every night she first cooks for him and if there is any time left, she quickly whips up something stupid for herself, survives on junk or eats frozen leftovers because she puts him first). Being on her own was easy.

She often did not cook when she didn’t feel like and ordered food which she enjoyed eating for 2 days. There was no judgment for ordering food or rants about money wastage, it was all up to her.

Having insomnia, she sleeps at weird times and her partner being away, she was free to wake up and sleep when it naturally happened and the quietness in the house was a big factor for uninterrupted sleep.

She loved being on her own despite the few extra responsibilities.

She loves him, missed him terribly, was on the phone all the time and flew into his arms when he got back.

They spent a few very happy together and some weeks in… it was back. The rants, the small things that people don’t talk about because they are not life-altering acts but it does make a difference in the life of someone who goes through it.

Having to watch whatever you like on TV, is FREEDOM.

Having to cook anything you prefer or not cooking at all is FREEDOM.

Sleeping and waking, whenever you like, is FREEDOM.

While the majority of the women in the world are suffering from domestic abuse, lack of basic education, basic human rights, and choice, it might seem like a grand luxury to demand or dream a ‘Room Of One’s Own’ OR more sensibly a HOUSE of one’s own (because a room inside the house of a controlling man is still under his power and doesn’t have much freedom).

Since the moment an Indian baby girl is born, she is reminded constantly that her husbands home is her actual home and she is merely a temporary passerby at her parents’ home where she grows up and builds her earliest memories.

However, she is forced to leave that home and go live with her husband (and often his family) however far that may be.

Only if all this was worth it.

Only if all these sacrifices gave a woman that place where she could be free. A place where she could breathe free.

One may call it selfish and that even to live with a friend or any other human, one would have to make compromises.

I ask, why does one need to live with someone at all in that case.

To have a room/home of her own is something women are promised as soon as they are born and they die like fucking unwanted guests but they never get to live in any place that they could feel like is their own.

Single women rock this ish. I guess they got this figured.

 

Why Piers Morgan Shouldn’t Have Asked If Co Host Susanna Reid is Doing The Janu-hairy thing #GMB

Let me begin by explaining what is Januhairy month.

Body positivity has become sort of mainstream, albeit very slowly but thankfully it is at least talked about. One part of it is body hair. Every normal human being has hair, all genders.

Yet while no one bats an eyelid on men like this

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women, on the other hand, are socially shamed for keeping their body au natural.

This double standard towards body hair is pervasive and sexist and hence, Januhairy is a body positivity movement in which women are sharing pictures of their unshaven bodies on social media and breaking the taboos, showing off to the world their natural beautiful selves without the ton of grooming.

As you can guess from the expression on Piers’ face from this image below, he looks disgusted:

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Piers made it personal and asked co-star Susanna if she personally would take part in the movement and go unshaven for the month.

While on the surface the question might sound logical and straight forward, but it is absolutely idiotic and offensive and let me explain why.

I personally hate this idea that women have to follow such a strict rule of beauty standards and keep their bodies certain ways in order to be not looked down upon in the society. But this wokeness or sense of self came to me when I was over 25.

Sadly, since I was a teenager, the messages I received from the society and friends were the stereotypical white skin color preferring, highly damaging beauty ideals very common in India. This involved going hairless.

Although I never did bleach my skin to lighten it, I was forced to get my eyebrows shaped by my sister who also introduced me to waxing and stuff.

In conclusion, I did groom my eyebrows and shave elsewhere. The grooming became a habit so routine that I cannot go 5 days without removing the hair now. And if I don’t remove the hair, I cannot fall asleep at night due to the irritation and the pokes of the stubble.

As much as I love this idea of embracing our body in its natural form and not shaving any hair to please the people around… I am now eternally under the curse of it.

This is why asking such a question to any woman is a highly offensive thing because you are asking a woman to reveal her grooming habits to you-who the fuck are you, who gave you the right to ask a personal question like this?

You are allowed to support a social movement without actively participating in it. Same goes with religions and cultures. You are and should appreciate other peoples religious practices without practicing them personally. Because there may be more hiding underneath the surface. Like my case in which I support the movement, and I would want to participate but unfortunately, it is too late for me because now my body is already in such a stage. But this is my individual case.

Other women, especially younger girls who are developing body hair must not fall into the same trap as we did. Hence it is absolutely crucial to talk about and spread the social message of the body positivity movement and take a strong stand against body hair shaming in order to save young girls.

It is very simple if you think about it. Society has always had different rules for men and women and when it comes to beauty, men have always gotten an easy pass while women have gone through painful procedures and expensive hectic beauty regimens in order to look beautiful and young because physical appearance is how a woman’s worth was/is judged in our society.

It’s 2019 and this notion of a woman’s worth based on her physical attributes alone is still very much prevalent. The Januhairy movement is a very tiny body positivity movement to tell women they don’t have to follow such ridiculous rules in order to look beautiful.

And then there are people like Piers Morgan. I used to adore this guy but he has just lost his respect in my eyes lately.