Explaining my PATRIARCHAL MOM why I talk about FEMINIST ISSUES ; New #Vlog

Your MOM is the one person in the entire world who is supposed to ‘GET’ you. My Mom gets most things about me except my love and passion for ‘feminism’.
The first video she saw where I talk about MASS MOLESTATION IN BANGALORE, her disappointment began.

Now, I know that the fight for women’s rights is often seen as a POLITICAL and ECONOMICAL issue but when you have to justify your ‘having an opinion and voice on these issues’ WITHIN YOUR OWN HOME, to your family; IT’S ALL TOO PERSONAL.

Is wanting equality really so bad?
Is raising awareness on the least talked, taboo subjects offensive?

Since, I’m not an NGO or charity worker, JUST A PHILANTHROPIST who happens to choose this niche; people are all the more confused; as if the only times you must take an interest in social issues is when you can make money out of it or gain some kind of PR material.

To me, all this is just an extension of my blog, sharing the lessons from my mistakes with others and may be moving a life or two along the way. If I can save one person from the hurts they are vulnerable to; I would consider MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.

Please comment and share your thoughts with me on this.
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Music: Ascending the vale by Kevin mcLeod
Copyrights to images not owned (except for the personal pictures).

To watch video, click on the thumbnail below:

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Launching my YouTube channel with a video on BANGALORE MASS MOLESTATION FEST

Hey lovely readers,

Wish you an awesome, happy and successful 2017!!!

I’m absolutely thrilled to inform you that after 4 years of procrastination, I have finally materialized a very personal GOAL of mine- YOUTUBE CHANNEL for this blog.

I love watching videos and I know you do too. Sometimes reading a blog post can be just too hectic. Hence, the channel is now LIVE!

I had been wondering what should my first video be about and did film some videos already. But when I saw the news on how Indians celebrated new year, mostly in Bangalore, I just couldn’t keep it to myself.

So, my first video is about that. Watch it here-

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Please SUBSCRIBE to my channel, I do need your comments and subscriptions for a little pep talk as this is all too new.

I truly appreciate you being with me in this journey, looking forward to hearing your views on the issue and expectations from my channel.

Sending love and happiness,

Khan Girl 😉

Triple Talaq- The Charade Against or In Favor of Muslim Women

So, #TripleTalaq is a hot topic at this moment in Indian media.

Despite almost 22 countries (governed by Muslims entirely) banning this system of divorce, it is practiced in India predominantly.

 Muslim women went to the Indian courts and appealed for this to be banned and have their rights safeguarded.

The Indian Muslim Personal Law Board of India says “this is our religious matter and you must not intervene in our ways” to the Indian government.

I’ve been following the discussion around for a while and here are 3 things I realized: 

1- Me

If any man says the word Talaq to me or even subtly gives me the body language that he doesn’t want me, I’ll dump his sorry ass the very moment. #NotDesperate

(But that’s just me and I’m obviously speaking from a position of privilege as  I have a doctorate level qualification, earn my way in this world, speak different languages and been surviving on my own long enough. Not every woman has those privileges and education, therefore no judgment against women who want to stay in bad marriages).

2- What’s in the Quran.

Yes, in the holy Quran and the various Sharia’ that came after it, the triple talaq is mentioned. But like every other subject, it is a matter to be seen within the context. It’s not that Islam was trying to favor men over women in order to keep women oppressed.

In Saudi Arabia, during the olden times until now, paying the dowry was the man’s/ groom’s duty. That meant a man had more financial stake in the marriage as he had paid for the ceremonies and other whole shebang. Therefore before uttering the word ‘divorce’ men had to take precautions, think carefully as remarrying may not be an option, so trying to reconcile would be something men would be inclined to do.

Women, on the other hand, didn’t have to pay for the dowry or ceremonies which made it financially a much less risky business for them. And since re-marriage in Islam was allowed, it was a lot easier for a woman to just get rid of one husband and re-marry another. Hence all the other precautions in order to safeguard the financial stake of the man but also not denying a woman’s right to get rid of the man if he was genuinely awful to her.

This is highly inapplicable in the Indian situation because, in India, Muslim men take dowry from women, just like Hindus. This removes the financial pressure from men and places it on the women’s family.

To this if you add the triple talaq convenience, it just makes life a bed of roses for such men

because not only they take dowry, money and everything in between from the woman, they also kick her out any moment they want with three words. It is double the risk and inconvenience for women.

3- LAW OF THE LAND should preside.

Among all the arguments, the most important law that should prevail is the human rights law. Second, comes the law of the land and then third comes the law of any religion. 

In case you think I’m a bad Muslim for saying so, go read the Islamic history and Hadith, that’s what Islam says too- the law of the land comes first!

If every religion started preaching their own philosophies in the Constitution, the Sati system would never have been abolished. That must be one sorry state.

Muslim politicians are bringing all sorts of excuses of times when the Indian Government failed to provide equal rights for Muslims and may be favored some religious groups- Owaisi mentioned about the inheritance rights of Hindu women and their marriageable age. True, those are awful too but they do not justify oppression of Muslim woman. And I’m sure, sooner or later that would be dealt with too. Because the population and educational level of Hindu women in India is much higher than that of Muslim women.

If Muslim women have taken such steps and are standing up for their rights, I’m sure Hindu women will win their rights too. It’s just a matter of time…

For me- it’s not Hindu women’s rights or Muslim women’s rights-

IT’S WOMEN’S RIGHTS!

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Therefore, my 2 cents- Islam is great but it needs to be understood in the context of situations, not as an excuse to pursue personal agendas and it look like women oppressor.

I don’t know about the older generation but I really wish and pray that the younger one doesn’t copy the older ones and move towards humanity and equality.

 

Why Am I Not Having Kids Already?

Being single in this big, bountiful, beast-full world is a challenge.

The one thing I hear quite often is about my #FOMO on kids.

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Strangers (who don’t give a damn about me) are extremely worried about my reproductive system not functioning well when I want to have kids.

First of all, I don’t get why people take it as a given that every woman wants to have a child or rather, HAS to have a child. 

Let me break the news to you- women are more than human incubators and pacifiers, so, yes they may very well decide NOT have to use their reproductive systems at all.

Just like every human (most) have a voice box but not everyone wants to become an opera singer, similarly, just because I have a uterus and ovaries doesn’t mean I would specifically want to use it.

Secondly, what’s the point of being a mother if you can’t spend it the way you want?

I’m not judging anyone here because I’m matured enough to understand that not all people have the privileges that I have and their choices may be limited. But before I explain what I mean- just see this advert about working moms.

It teared me up because when a woman is working, she has double the responsibilities.

The world today is such, no one can guarantee that the child’s father will do at least his part of the job. My cousin sister is married but earning and raising her daughter entirely on her own and help from her father.

You might suspect the father might be a broke ass hustler but he is a well-qualified engineer who just doesn’t care enough to feed his second child even (he has one son from another lady). This picture below is only a fantasy for most.

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That’s the irony of the modern life. Relationships are as fragile as ever. 

I love children. But having one of my own is not something I would consider unless I have enough buck in the bank that I can focus all my attention on one thing.

This woman in the advert is working her ass off. And for every woman out there who has a family and goes out to work- I’m not judging you, I SALUTE YOU!

You’re wayyyyyyyyyy more active, productive and hustler than I am.

But this does not mean I should feel forced into pumping out babies just because others have.

I’m simply not built for it. Maybe if I had no choice and if I were forced into it, I don’t know how I might have put up with it. But as long as I have a CHOICE, why would I give it up?

It’s like getting into trouble, purposely.

There’s so much that I have to do on my own yet, check out these 3 that are on top-

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1- I’ve to go backpacking across Ireland.

 

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2- I’ve to learn Waltz in Vienna for 3 months.

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3- I’ve to witness the Northern Lights in a tent. 

Now, with all this stuff to do, baby plans don’t fit in as yet. They might someday when all this and the rest of the things on my bucketlist are met, but for sure, I wouldn’t want to have a baby and then regret when I’d see single people backpacking across the world.

Just as I respect people’s choice to have babies, I’d like people to respect my choice to not have one at all (or till the day I feel ready for it. )

Now, I’m humbled that people care so much about the single woman of the society who has dreams of her own, to do something for herself that makes her happy… but sorry, not sorry!

Whether you have babies or not, please make sure your decision is based on your likings rather than fear or “since my neighbour had one, I should too”. 

I have never had any, but I see the amount of sacrifices and hard work that goes into raising another human being.

I can’t feed a fish pet, how do I take the risk of bringing another human life into this world.

And I have no shame in admitting that my priorities are taking care of my family first, the mother and father who brought me on earth. And I also have no shame in admitting that unless I’m internally ready for it, forcing myself into it will only make me a terrible mother.

So, all those worried about my reproductive system- “take a chill pill”.

And don’t worry if my ovaries don’t work, I will happily take care of one of the millions neglected by so-called parents. 

Happy days for everyone!

 

 

My Stalker Of The Decade Award Goes To This Guy

Hi sweet readers, today I have a juicy award announcement for you all.

You all know that a stalker is like the unwanted element in your life that you just don’t want to think about. But when the stalker approaches you in the form of a friend and you just never imagine this person to make a move on you and then he does and you tell him that it’s not happening and he takes rejection like a 3 year old kid (only the stalker harasses and abuses violently…) then what.

Have you seen movies where one second the guy is all knees down, totally in love with the girl and the next minute as she refuses his proposal, he is threatening to spill acid on her face?

This guy is a slight version of that film. A friend from high school who keeps making a move, and then I keep explaining that I don’t like him that way and then he refuses to understand until I get totally pissed off.

This is a decade long story, if I start to tell you from the beginning, this post will turn into an Indian TV Soap Opera.

But there are two super cliche things that happened this time which I wanted to share with you all;::

1- When the woman talk intelligently and question such men back, they instanly call her crazy, lonely, depressed, moron and

2- Guys who see women living a happy independent life on their own (without needing a man, specially not them), will go tooth and nail to suggest that she needs to ‘get married’ because she has a missing element in her life. 

The same guy, who thinks of himself as some sort of expert on women, also recommended few days ago that I should relax because my articles and blogs are about serious issues around women’s lives. (Referring to my post in the Telegraph about the murder of Qandeel Baloch).

According to him, women writing fiction love stories and other romantic stuff are happy and likeable while women writing on serious nonfiction stuff are somehow in trouble.

Friends,

time and again I face this harassment from people I know. They see me succeeding, my voice being heard in international media, my books being read by women facing hardships and my personal one-to-one HEART CHATS with any person who needs some advice or just a friend to talk to.

These people see me happy, content, truly peaceful in my zone. AND THEN THEY RECOMMEND I GET MARRIED.

Why such people don’t feel ashamed that this is NOT THEIR BUSINESS?

WHO ARE THEY TO TELL ME WHAT TO DO WITH MY LIFE?

WHY DON’T THEY QUESTION THEIR STATUS BEFORE ASSUMING THEIR ADVICE IS NEEDED AT ALL?

I blocked this person from my life years ago.

And then in 2-3 years he would find me on some social media and get in touch.

And since I’m busy building my life and have totally moved on from his last idiotic thing, I would forgive him for old times sake and ask him how things were.

And within a week he would again make a move. I would then block him.

This has been happening for a decade plus now. Fortunately I’m not in the same country.

He also spread rumors in my school community that we dated back in school. What a loser! I just feel pity for him and more for his wife. Poor woman, how is someone ever going to put up with his bi-polar personality; one minute ‘Harry Met Sally’ and next minute, ‘Texas Chainsaw Massacre.’

Anyways, my STALKER OF THE DECADE AWARD TOTALLY GOES TO HIM.

Please find his conversation below and see how his motives change.

Also, please comment below and share your stalker stories and raise awareness about ‘friends-turned-stalkers’. 

Peace out friends!

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This is The Reason Why Child Abuse Prevails, Specifically in Indian Homes

As a Feminist, I’m often blamed to be biased towards women and many people go as far as calling me a ‘man-hater’. If you are a regular reader of my blog, you would know that I extensively criticise women who perpetuate violence. And I want to say this at the top of my lungs that WOMEN CAN BE ABUSERS TOO!

Here is a recent conversation with a friend on Facebook that shook me to my core.

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In English it means that a mother’s hand is like the F5 button on the keyboard; one tight slap on the child’s face, and the child gets refreshed!

Naturally, I had to speak.

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As you can see, he thinks every mother has the RIGHT TO ABUSE HER KID.

This person is so blinded by the 1800 century teachings that say parents are to be worshipped, that he fails to recognize that children have any HUMAN RIGHTS at all.

So just because I give birth to a child, means I can beat the child, sell the child to human traffickers, sell their kidnies and do whatever I want, right?

This is the reason why VIOLENCE PREVAILS in our society. People kill each other for Rs20 and we wonder why such trivial conflicts end up in murders. Remember that children only copy their parents.

There are mothers who sell their children and there are mothers who force their daughters to be in violent marraiges just for the sake of keeping their honor (so called) in the society.

Every human being has the capacity to be evil and being a mother does not exempt that.

Child abuse is a cycle; when a child gets beaten up they learn that violence is the answer to correct behaviour and when they grow up they beat their own kids and men beat their wives because that’s what they learn. Violence is a learnt behavior…and kids learn that from parents and teachers… and before you make claims like this that mother can beat up a child, and ignore the human rights of a child, please educate yourself firsthttp://www.leadershipcouncil.org/1/res/costs.html

Just look at the face of the child in that photograph. I don’t understand how is that funny? Beating up a powerless child…

Friends, in order to make changes in the society, we must first break out of our shell of self praise and recognize what problems exist that are ruining our homes. We need to see how we consistently neglect our mistakes in parenting.

Unless you recognize that beating anyone up, including your own children is a crime, you can never expect such practices to end. 

And when you do spot someone abusing a child or promoting it, please please please, I beg you to speak up.

Even in public if you see someone beating up their kid, please interrupt and if things go too far, then inform the police.

Being parents is NO excuse for violence. You don’t OWN your kids. They are not your slaves.

I know it’s hard for Indian parent’s specifically to see their children as separate human beings and not just their controlled monkeys.

Nevertheless, even the tiniest of baby is a person and his/her HUMAN RIGHTS are far more important than one parent’s control issues!

Long live human rights!