I Quit Wedding! A Call to Civil Disobedience by Single Indians to Criminalize Marital Rape in India

Marital Rape in India is NOT a criminal offense according to the Indian Penal Court.

I, as an Indian woman DO NOT want to get married at all if my constitution does NOT protect my rights as a wife.  I urge other single Indians to quit weddings until marital rape is criminalised in India.

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WHAT WOULD THAT DO?

It is estimated that over 15 million weddings take place in India every year. That makes the profits estimated to be a staggering 25.5 billion USD or Rs 1,42,596 crore– the economy of a small country and this is growing at the explosive rate of 25% per year. The average budget of an Indian wedding is around Rs 19.01 lakh. This doesn’t include cash and valuables given as dowry.

Imagine what would happen if just for one year this sweet contribution to the Indian budget stops or lowers significantly?

Imagine how much population control would that bring about?

Imagine the far reaching consequences of this CIVIL DISOBEDIENCE MOVEMENT!

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WHY SHOULD MEN QUIT WEDDINGS TOO?

Indian men are the first FEIMNISTS OF INDIA. The movement of feminism and fight for women’s rights around the world was fought by women but since Indian woman were always oppressed under patriarchal norms, it was MEN who began the fight. This wasn’t because these men were agaisnt their fellow gender bros. It was simply because it was humanity agaisnt crimes.

It is obvious to consider that while women are at the recieving end of this civil disobedience movement, what’s in it for men. I believe that men equally suffer from crimes such as rape. Speaking of Nirbhaya incident, her male friend who was with her and her loving father are secondary victims of the rape-murder brutality. It is silly to consider rape criminailzation agaisnt men because it is NOT. It is against crimes and only those men would oppose it who consider it their right to subjugate women in their marital relationship.

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Any decent man would want his wife to feel comfortable and loved around him. Frankly speaking, only jerks need to force themselves on their wives because normal guys are desired by their partners and they exchange love NOT rape.

Haribhai Parathibhai Chaudhary, a Home Affairs minister, said in a written statement to India’s upper house of Parliament that marital rape could not be criminalized in India due to several institutional factors and that these factors include the “level of education, illiteracy, poverty, myriad social customs and values and religious beliefs” in India.

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Mr Chaudhary, has an M.COM degree and he has worked as an agriculturist and a busniessman, according to Wikipedia. Has two sons and a daughter.

I wonder if having an M.COM or MBA or experience in farming does actually make someone qualified enough to understand anything about abuse, trauma, social services, women’s issues or anything remotely close to justice, equality and human rights.

Neither the level of education, poverty, nor the myriad social customs and religious beliefs can make a human right violation justifiable.

IF YOU THINK MARITAL RAPE IS NOTHING CRIMINAL?

Sadly, there are people who fail to see why a man and woman who normally live together, sleep together and may be even have children together can call any event ‘rape’. The difference between both is CONSENT. People ask whether this has any damages at all on the wife because a rape where the offender is a stanger, it is hard for the victim. On the other hand the rapist being the victims husband would make things easier, simpler because of the pre existing relationship.

I would like to clarify here that firstly, there is NO competition between the victims of both rape cases. Secondly, as psychology dictates, in a stanger rape case, the victim has a chance to move on and forget about her troubles if she is physically unhurt. This usually takes years of therapy and healing but there is a way out and many victims have successfully overcome their trauma.All victims have different reactions to the trauma and there is no one size fits all therapy for all rape survivors. In case of a marital rape however, the victim has to see the jerks face day and night, feel threatened every second and remain under constant depression,anxiety and other mental disorders due to the relationship.

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Please note that there is an extreme violation of trust here that we are talking about. I recently conducted a survey where out of 100, 2 women said they would ever report if their husbands raped them! This is simply because women are moulded like that in our culture- the famous Saas bhi kabhi Bahu thi icons of Indian daily soaps…PARVATI…the living embodiment of sacrifice… Indian women are programmed to be forgiving and obedient.

However, this doesn’t excuse the Indian Constitution to not mandate a LAW in place just in case a woman decides to NOT take this abuse anymore.

WILL LAW END MARITAL AND OTHER FORMS OF RAPE IN INDIA?

Sadly NO. Law can only help citizens when they ‘ask for help’. This doesn’t reduce the importance of the law being there but it simply means there are more things we need to do.

Engaging men at grassroot level is the first step towards ending rape culture. If young boys are raised to believe that wives are human toys made for their disposal; there can never be a change in the system. Similarly if young girls are raised to see their existence as nothing else but a prop in the SASURAL,  a thing of assistance for their husband and children…. NOW LAW CAN EVER raise the standards of women’s human rights in India.

Media must also take responsibility for over sexualization of women while body shaming and color shaming the average Indian woman. Parents need to commit to change. Probably need to lessen their grip on their children’s lives and allow them freedom to choose their careers and their partners. The oppression just has to end before the country breaks down totally. Law is a piece, an important piece in the puzzle.

WHY THE EXCUSE OF SOCIAL CUSTOMS IS LAME AND USELESS?

India has committed and signed the charter of UN on the Elimination of all forms of violence agaisnt women and India has to keep up its promise.

Sati system and Devadasi practices were also the so-called SOCIAL CUSTOMS of India. Nevertheless there came a time when it had to stop. This could never have happened if a few thoughtful Indians wouldn’t have dared to point out the brutality of such practices.

I personally feel that marriage is as holy or sacred as you think AND as mechanical and materialistic as you play it. According to the tons of money spent on Indian weddings, clearly its more of a mechanical exchange because most of our households do not allow courtship and the ‘getting to know each other’ thing.

If marriages are so sacred, I urge the Indian Government to incarcerate every wedding organizer who has organized a wedding outside a temple-church-mosque and denounce any exchange of dowry.

WHY THEY DON’T CRIMINALIZE MARITAL RAPE?- THE TRUTH

That’s because criminalizing marital rape will bring out the ugliness of Indian arranged marriage system…

In fact, Indian marriages being ‘arranged’ is the only reason why marital rape is not being criminalized in India. Let me explain why.

Most weddings are without the girls consent. To get a girls consent is to allow her freedom to know her choices, discover her options and then be in a totally non-forceful position to decide whether she wants to get married or not. Our culture on the other hand specifies a photoshopped photo exchange between the parents who also decide what will be the dowry depending on the financial stability of the groom. Beauty is exchanged for money and gifts. HENCE THE GREAT INDIAN WEDDING!

Now think about consent. If there was no explicit consent to the wedding, how can there be consent for intercourse? There is NO such thing as implied consent. Just because I married her, just because I paid for the wedding, just because I signed a contract, just because she is sitting on my bed in a wedding gown are NO signs or signals of CONSENT.

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Unless both parties mutually agree to engage in any form of activity, its not consent.

Criminalizing marital rape in India will shake the foundations of that centuries old-rotten-sick-oppressive-arranged marriage system of India. So ofcourse its OK for women to be raped by their husbands but its NOT OK for the centuries old beliefs to be kicked in the crotch.

When Indian youth are publically ridiculed for dating or hanging out on Valentines Day, why would they allow freedom to choose your spouse or to fall in love with ‘your kind of person’ and only then get married. Of course they wont.

So, here’s the thing: Its NOW or NEVER!

Indian youth has the power to nudge age old systems of oppressing love and freedom of choice. Indian youth can allow their women to stay in rotten marriages with rapist husbands or stand up for happy healthy relationships where men are desired by women equally.

I AM DOING MY PART BY NOT PARTICIPATING IN ANY WEDDING ACTIVITY UNTIL MARRIAGE IS SAFE ENOUGH FOR ME AND MY RIGHTS AS AN INDIAN WIFE ARE PROTECTED BY THE GOVERNMENT OF INDIA.

What will you do? 

Please respond if you  dare to participate in the second CIVIL DISOBEDIENCE MOVEMENT OF INDIA where the oppressors are not foreigners but old beliefs and patriarchy.

No matter how small, you can make a difference.

Demand your right as a woman to be protected whether or not you choose a husband.

Demand your right as a man to make this nation safe for your fellow citizens.

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Every drop counts to make an ocean.

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3 Awesome #Blurred Lines Songs That Will Make You LOL And ROFL Like Never Before in Life

Hello my brilliant readers,

So, we had the #blurred lines song discussion since the pop song by Robin Thicke was out. Some of us loved it, many of us hated it because of the sexist lyrics, choreography (everything in fact) and made sure the song gets banned at as many places as possible.

However, since the song #blurred lines sort of was an open ended one point story out there,….there had to be answers right. The other part of the story that gives us the entire picture. You may have seen these videos before, but if you haven’t, you will literally roll on the floor laughing until your stomach hurts.

3rd best on the list is

#GOAWAY

2nd best on the list is

#EVERYBIGOTSHUTUP 😀

And the WINNER IS….

#DOUCHE

I hope you enjoyed these as much as I did. There couldnt be a better way of responding to the chauvinistic, misogynistic songs like this. Keep up the good work all you THINKERS AND DOERS out there.

God Bless,

Love and Light

Shahla

#lamelines

The Last Thing You MUST Know About #Blurred Lines

#Blurred Lines has been one of the most talked about phrases since the song based on the same name created havoc last year. 

In case you haven’t heard it, you can easily find it on Youtube. It was banned at many student organisations due to the sexist lyrics and for promoting misogyny and rape culture. 

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On the one hand you will see feminists protesting against the usage of this phrase completely rejecting its premise while on the other hand you will find a large number of young people who believe otherwise. Let’s dig deeper and find out what it means and why it’s important.

In the hook up culture, sexual double standards prevail, we all know that. This means, women who are open about their choices, dating preferences and lifestyle are often labelled as ‘promiscuious’ (using the better word).

Those women who want to date or have random one night stands but without being called promiscuois must do it the ‘good girl’ way- meaning, they should reflect blurred lines. 

If you believe this, you are in for a loooooooooonnnggggggg trouble!

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The TRUTH About Women- for Men

Gone are the days where girls had to pretend to be anything. Most women now are open about their choices. If they want to be with a man, they will not only tell him but also fight for him when needed. Whatever name you call, women don’t really care anymore because they are much more open mided than you think. If she is not going for you, she really really really doesn’t like you. Instead of taking that on your EGO and trying to convince yourself that she wants it, you must take some lessons in handling rejections and get on with your life. You cannot rape everyone who rejects you and you cannot murder every employer who trashes your CV. The earlier you learn this lesson, the better it is. Most of the times, it is not even about you. Don’t take it too personal and move on.

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The TRUTH About #BLURRED LINES- for Women

You may be dating someone or you may like them and you have or haven’t thought yet about sharing a bed. 

No one but you, has the right to decide whether you want to sleep with someone or not, and when.

Sometimes, you just meet someone, you like them, you feel the chemistry but you dont want to sleep with them instantly. You don’t even have to have a reason for it, you just don’t. This can happen with men too by the way.

The moment you hear the other person say “oh come on, you know you want it”… my suggestion is………..

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RUN!!!!

Run as fast as you can, and don’t look back! Trust me you won’t regret!

 

Why am I so confident?

When people say “oh come on, you know you want it” what they really mean is “I cannot use force or aggression straight away because I fear prison, so I am trying to MANIPULATE you into thinking that YOU are the one who wants it”.

There are many sorts of rapes and the three most common you hear are:

  1. Date Rape
  2. Acquaintance Rape and
  3. Stranger Rape

We fear most the last one, the stranger rapes because most often there is a use of a weapon or force. But guess which one of the three kinds has the largest number of victims???

Its the acquaintance rape! It is also the most UNDER REPORTED rape kind.

Date rape is usually in a car or somewhere quiet after a date but acquaintance rape happen at people’s own homes and hang out areas, dorm rooms, libraries etc. This is because there is an element of trust involved. The rapist is a trust authority or friend and the victim has no idea of what is coming. Taking advantage of someone’s trust is plain crime, there is no blurred line about that. Just because someone trusts you enough to be with you, does not make give you the right to break that trust.

Blurred lines is the phrase used by these offenders to:

  • firstly manipulate the victim to think that she ‘asked for it’ or ‘she liked it’ when she didn’t.
  • secondly to force her to blame herself post rape, that will ensure no reporting

Manipulation is more powerful and more commonly used in rape than a weapon.

When it comes to dating, we may take our time to decide whether or not we like someone to go out with them again. Even if we don’t and our friends or someone else thinks we make a good couple, sometimes we consider it and say “OK I will give it another chance”.

However when it comes to sex, there is NO #BLURRED LINE.

We know if we want it or not, straight away.

And if you have to try to convince yourself to have sex with someone, you are NOT doing yourself any good.

“I owe him sex, he paid for the dinner”

“He brought me that expensive gift, may be I must reciprocate”.

“I have to look cool, I have to do this to get popular”.

“I am married to him, it’s his right”. WRONG

Neither of these are good reasons to sleep with someone and the worst one is “he said I wanted it, may be I do but I just don’t know it yet”.

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Sex is an expression of your body and your connection with peace and pleasure. Who you have it with, must be your choice based on your feelings. Even if you want it and half way though you change your mind for whatever reason, you still have the right to STOP and walk away. 

There is NO blurred line even if you stop halfway through the sex.

I hope that clarifies the never ending blurred lines debate and make sure everyone understands that blurred lines mean plain and simple manipulation. Now you know what to do next time when someone says “you know you want it”.

 

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